2015 was the year I learned the true meaning of forgiveness. There was nineteen years of grudge-holding and collected hate in my heart. Scrolling through every possible life-inspiring article I can get my hands on I read the phrase, forgiveness is not weakness. The world seemed as though it had stopped spinning when I read those three words. Every hardship I’d ever had about forgiving myself and others suddenly became so simple.
What I began to figure out was my issues with forgiveness did not have to do with my inability to forgive. My issues stemmed from my inability to accept toxic friendships and terrible situations. We’ve all found ourselves at the end of a toxic friendship or relationship that we worry we may never overcome. But the reality of the matter is that forgiveness does not mean you have to accept the bad things that have happened to you. In order to forgive you need to release yourself from the hurt that holds you back. The process itself is selfish, only one person is needed in a single act of forgiveness, that’s the beauty of the entire process.
I readily admit that forgiving others has always been my biggest flaw. My junior year of high school my best friend turned on me and all of my childhood friends followed her. My body and mind ached from the sadness this loss had caused me. At sixteen I truly believed that there was no sunshine at the end of my internal storm. It took me more than a year to forgive her because stubbornness managed to convince me that forgiving her meant I was weak. I made the subconscious choice to hold onto all that hurt and be really unhappy because I refused to forgive her for hurting me. I just couldn’t accept that I had experienced a friendship so terrible. Refusing forgiveness did nothing but let me hurt myself. It was like cutting the wound deeper and deeper and wondering why you’re still bleeding.
Society points us towards this view that forgiveness is a sign of defeat, but I promise you it isn’t. Offering forgiveness to someone who wasn’t sorry or remorseful is the most powerful thing you can do. In all of my failed friendships, I’ve probably heard an apology once or twice. People are proud, sometimes too proud to admit that they’ve made a mistake. Nonetheless, these people deserve your forgiveness the most I believe. They suffer from the condition of being innately human. So I dare you each of you to choose forgiveness no matter how badly you don’t want to. Time solves all problems, but forgiveness is our most powerful key. Without it each of us would be drowning in our hatred for each other.
Forgive others for being human, imperfect and flawed but don’t accept what you don’t like. The bottom line is that life is too short not to forgive others and most importantly yourself. Life will be crappy sometimes, and people will treat you badly, that’s a guarantee. But don’t refuse to forgive them because it seems weak. If you want forgiveness from others, forgive unapologetically and the rest will fall into place. Be courageous, spontaneous and let go of your burdens. The first step to all of that is to forgive. Weakness is only present when you lack courage. And in the words of Meredith Grey, “Without forgiveness, old scores are never settled; old wounds never heal,” You all have the key to open the door, so use wisely.
