My whole life I've been told to "forgive and forget" because if you don't forget it then you haven't truly forgiven. I do understand the idea behind the sentence, but I do not fully agree with it. It is easy to say that and act on it when the thing you are forgiving is small or petty. It is not always that easy, though. When you have been hurt deeply by someone, especially if that person is someone you loved, forgetting is not always that easy.
Recently, I found myself in a situation where I needed to forgive someone. For a long time, I refused to forgive them. They hurt me really deeply and did so for a very long time. They hurt me so deep, that it began to affect my relationships with other people, which made me resent them more than I already did. Resentment is a really terrible feeling. It cuts into you so deeply and you drag it with you everywhere. It is all you can think about and it takes over your life. You can't do anything with it, not at the front of your mind. So when that resentment began affecting my relationships with others, I knew that it was time to stop feeding it, and work towards letting it go.
But, for me, forgiving and forgetting is trusting a person who has hurt you again. In some instances, it is possible or could be possible some day. But trust is something that must be earned. Trust is something that you cannot give out to just anyone. And trust is much easier to break than it is to give. So forgetting what happened seems very counter-intuitive to me. Forgetting what a person did to you is opening yourself back up to that hurt. That person has already proven once that they are not trustworthy, and I don't see why you should let them show you a second time. Don't get me wrong, trust is 100 percent obtainable if you work at it enough. But you and the person who hurt you really, really have to want it. It is a rough road, but it is doable.
The definition of the word to forgive according to Merriam Webster's dictionary is "to stop feeling anger (toward someone who has done something wrong)." Forgiveness is absolutely achievable. At some point, it becomes unhealthy to still feel angry about a wrong doing. It is incredibly hard to do, but once you forgive that person you will feel so much better. But, do not give that person your trust back easily. Make them earn it back and make sure they understand that they can and will never do that to you again. So, to the person who hurt me (and you know who you are), if you are reading this, I forgive you, but I do not and will not forget anytime soon.
