Forgive and Forget Isn't Always My Cup of Tea

I believe in forgiveness. I believe that it’s important to understand the people around us, and to realize that we all make mistakes, do things we regret beyond comprehension, and that if we didn’t forgive, society would fail to function. We need to be able to keep moving forward and not let misunderstandings and wrongs that have been done to us hold us back for months, years, even decades. Beyond complicating lives and preventing connections we would otherwise have, it can propagate a toxic mindset and keep you always thinking negatively; it hurts to hold grudges, as I’m sure we all have learned.

Have Your Voice Heard: Become an Odyssey Creator

However, I think it’s just as dangerous to give forgiveness always and without hesitation. It does not bode well with me that we are taught to believe the right thing to do is “forgive and forget”. Things people do intentionally to hurt us should not be forgotten--that shows their character, and not in a way that I believe should be brushed off. Time and time again, I’ve seen friends and family give their forgiveness and love as easily as they breathe, and in cases when the hurt was not an accident, the person who wronged them continue to do so repeatedly, always apologizing and assuring it wouldn’t happen again. How is that a better alternative? To mentally drain yourself by constantly giving people further chances after they’ve shown their disregard for you, continually disappointed and emotionally affronted.

In all honesty, I believe some things are unforgivable. And that’s okay. If someone does something irreparable, knowingly, it’s okay if you can’t find it in you to forgive them. I know almost every religious school disagrees with this, and I’m sure plenty of the people closest to me have a problem with the idea, but as much as I respect those people and their ability to do so, I just genuinely can’t condone the idea of some things as being forgivable. I can’t. Furthermore, I can’t get behind the idea of people being in the wrong because they can’t find it in themselves to go back to normal with someone who’s harmed them--frustration and wariness are valid emotions, and beyond many of those perpetrators being repeat offenders, I don’t think you owe anyone access or modification to/of your emotions. If they wanted your respect, they shouldn't have violated it in the first place.

I know this can be a very controversial subject, especially being that so many religions do heavily emphasize the importance and morality of always practicing forgiveness, but I am a person who believes that forgiveness should be earned, and weighed on a case to case, person to person basis. I could lie and say otherwise, but my feelings would remain the same, even unconsciously, and I think honesty and conversation where we disagree are more valuable than anything else.