Maybe Being Forever Alone Isn't A Joke Anymore
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Maybe Being Forever Alone Isn't A Joke Anymore

I've basically given up all hope.

girl posing in front of a sunset

For the past 18 years of my life, I've been completely and utterly alone. I've given up hope of it being any different in the future.

IWhen I look in the mirror, I see every single thing wrong with me and every reason that no guy has ever liked me. I see the acne and dark circles under my eyes, I see the plus size girl who has stretch marks and scars from multiple surgeries. I understand why I'm single. Yes, I am aware that I'm pretty. thanks, mom. I know that I'm smart. thanks, dad. I know that I can write well. Thanks to everyone who's told me that. I know that when I want to, I can charm the pants off of anyone with my sarcasm and wit. But most importantly, I know that I'm loved, even if I don't act like it. But being told all these things by your family is very different than a guy saying this, not that I know what that's like.

I am the subject of the loner jokes at family celebrations. Except at this point, I'm not sure it's a joke anymore.

Yeah, I know, not everyone meets the one in high school or during their freshman year of college, but I'd like to meet the one. I see all my friends and old classmates on Facebook and Instagram professing their love and celebrating anniversaries, but the only anniversary I've had is three years since I was diagnosed with cancer.

I'm the girl who's never been kissed, the girl who has never been crushed on and the girl who spends her weekends watching Netflix alone.

I am the best friend of the beautiful athlete and the gorgeous ex-musician. I am the girl you read about in YA novels. Unfortunately for me, this is real life and happy endings aren't always required.

I am the girl who can tell you anything you want to know about basketball and stuff you probably don't even care about. I am the girl who only wears makeup a couple times a year and will never wear a dress just for fun.

I am the anti-girly girl and the girl who is forever alone. I was in the group of girls who couldn't get a date for homecoming and prom and I've never been on an actual date unless you count the one with the son of my mom's friend, who I actually used to babysit.

I mean, he paid, so maybe?

I lay in bed at night jealous of my 16-year-old brother because he has a girlfriend or jealous of my cousin because she has a guy who loves her. I hate feeling like that, but I can't help it.

I sometimes hate hearing about my friends; dates, and relationships because I can never relate. I don't understand the staying up late and texting or Face Timing until one of them falls asleep first.

Don't get me wrong, I couldn't be happier for my brother, cousins and friends. It just sucks when you either become a third wheel or miss out on something.

For now, I'll stick to my Netflix; it's only let me down a few times when they took off "One Tree Hill," "Friday Night Lights" and when we have to wait a year for the next season of "13 Reasons Why."

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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