Hello again, Deacs! Whether you clicked on this article as a naive incoming Freshman hoping to learn "How to Wake Forest" or as an upperclassman who is looking to reflect on their past naivety, you're in the right place! Today, I'm going to teach you a thing or two about Wake Forest University. You're getting the real inside scoop. This is what Forestry 101 doesn't tell you.
This is Forestry 101: Uncensored - Syllabus Week.
1. Frat Shoes
So, Baby Deacs! You've just had your first hall meeting. Your RA has scared the pit sh*ts out of you and you're ready to take on your first night of college. It's around 8pm and your hall is buzzing with excitement. Okay, fine. It's dead silent. Everyone's fear of getting written up is crippling. BUT, some super cool girl that you met at your hall meeting texts you to come to her room to get ready to go out. You put on an outfit and head over.
She opens her door and the first words out of her mouth are, "Honey. You're going to want to change." You look down at your tight jeans and heels and wonder what's wrong with this outfit for a party, but you know she has older friends here, so she must know what's going on. You go back to your room and change into an outfit collectively worth less than $20 with a pair of ratty old converse. Perfect.
2. Deac vs. DKE
You've heard the legends about that one house. You know never to drink the punch. As you and the girl from your hall walk out of your dorm, you know stuff is about to get real. She knows exactly where she's going, and you just follow along. Another girl texts you and asks what you're doing tonight, and you respond: I'm going to the Deac house.
Stop. Right. There. Listen up! I know the school pride is real, but don't make this mistake! That house, yeah, the one across from Spry. That is a frat house. That is the DKE house. I know, a little confusing, but if you want to seem like the Freshman who knows what they're doing and is cool enough to brave the DKE house, you gotta be able to distinguish between our school mascot and a notorious fraternity.
3. The next morning
WAKE UP! Yup, you guessed it. Time for class, my friend! I'm never Wake Wednesday-ing again you say to yourself as you crawl to class. It's okay, Freshman year is a time to make mistakes. I will tell you though, your anti-Wake Wednesday attitude will be short-lived. Anyway, here's an exclusive pro tip: 3am Subway will save your life. Try it next time.
4. And that night...
That same girl texts you again. You unlock your phone to see that you've been added to a groupchat of a ton of girls sending outfits for that night and discussing where to go. "I have numbers!" one of them says. The true words of an angel those first few weeks. I'm telling you right now, if you can get your group numbers, you get instant cool points. Anyway, circa 10:30pm you're squished in the back seat of some random person's car (probably something your parents have told you not to do once or twice) going to an unknown destination off-campus. You arrive at an overflowing fraternity house that, to be honest, you've forgotten the letters of already, and you have to go to the bathroom. You and one of the girls go upstairs and wait in line. When you open the bathroom door, you learn the most important lesson of all...
5. BYOTP
Bring your own toilet paper.
So, Incoming Freshmen, I hope this teaches you a thing or two about Syllabus Week here at Wake Forest!
In all seriousness though, here are a couple things that you should remember:
Be smart, be safe, bring a buddy, and bring your own toilet paper.
