I Didn't Choose To Come Out, I Was Forced Out
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I Didn't Choose To Come Out, I Was Forced Out

I'm not sure why you have to announce that you like the same sex, but for some reason you do.

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I Didn't Choose To Come Out, I Was Forced Out
Marissa Martinez

A scary thought people usually have when they're first realizing they're gay is how they're going to come out. I'm not sure why you have to announce that you like the same sex, but for some reason you do. Coming out is usually a well thought out moment and they probably had a plan and it either went really well or really bad. There's also a lot of pressure since it's the first time that you'll be telling everyone that you're different. Coming out is their choice and it is their coming out story and everyone has a unique one.

I don't have a coming out story. I did not have a choice on whether or not I wanted people, especially my parents, to know if I was gay or not.

I didn't choose to "come out the closet." I was pushed out. I was kicked out. I was dragged out kicking and screaming against my will.

I remember the day I was forced to come out. I remember this day like it just happened yesterday. I was about 12 ish-years-old and I had already started taking a liking to girls. It wasn't anything crazy but I definitely was starting to notice that I may like my girl best friends in more than just a friendly way. I was starting to get jealous of my guy friends because it was so easy for them to talk to girls and flirt with girls and to have a girlfriend. I confided in my best friend at the time and she kind of helped me with it all. She didn't make me feel weird about anything and she never acted uncomfortable about it. In fact, she embraced it. She made me comfortable with who I was and she would even flirt with me. We had a little weird and confusing flirty relationship thing at this point. I mean, we were 12 ish so everything was weird and awkward.

So we had been texting back and forth about my feelings and hers too so I decided not to delete these particular messages from my phone that night. Little did I know that my mom was going to come into my room in the middle of the night and take my phone and go through it. There's no telling how long this had been going on prior to this night. The only reason I know of this night is because I woke up to her yelling at me at about 4 a.m. on a school night. She found those messages. Damn me. She ran and woke up my dad and he decided it was time for a family meeting. At 4 a.m. On a school night. There was nothing but yelling the whole time.

My parents were telling me I was going to hell and spouting bible verses at me and telling me how disgusting this was. I didn't care. I knew I liked what I liked. My dad then asked me a few distinct questions that I'll never forget. He said, "Mija, do you really want to be walking around holding a girl's hand? You want to be hanging all over and kissing girls?" At that moment, I was no longer confused. In my head I was screaming, "UMM HELL YES! HELL YES! YES. YES. EXACTLY."

But what actually came out of my mouth was a simple, "yes" and a lie. I told them I liked boys and girls to try to soften the blow. I don't think that helped much because I was put into Christian therapy immediately after this conversation. Three rounds of it. Not my ideal coming out situation.

If it were my choice, I don't think I would have ever came out to my parents. It did no good for our relationship and it caused a lot of problems. I wasn't ready for them to know and it nearly ruined us.

Remember, you don't have to come out if you're not ready. You don't even have to come out if you don't want to. Be true to yourself. It's your life.


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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.
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