And you get to the top of the mountain and you're crying. And you look around and you're crying. You see someone else that did it too, they made it and they're crying. You look down and it is so far and everything looks so little. You are overcome because you've overcame. But it is still all so small.
You have stumbled. You've been passed over and underestimated. You trudged through, dodged what you could see and expected everything to be great at the top. Knowing that if you could just get there, cross that final threshold of incline and pain, then finally you could breathe.
Well we got there and it's not what we thought. There's no gold star to put on our chests. There's a 'good for you,' but there's little more.
And you realize that the person at the top of the mountain with you isn't crying because they made it. They're crying because they have to go back down. Halfway? No. Their eye level.
You are a woman. Just for that, you'll get up the mountain slower. And you need someone to go with you or show you the way. You are strong, but you are put down. And you can do it, but they don't believe you.
When you think of how small everything seems, how come our big deal isn't blaring through the speakers, getting behind the curtains, and tugging at every arm hair enough to make them GET ON THEIR FEET.
They think we're quiet. They think we're small, too. They think that we're only on mountain time for one hike. But they have to know that we aren't coming down anytime soon.
Tell someone what you want to be and you add a 'maybe' or 'we'll see' on the end of it. You lift something heavy and they say, "I know men that can't even do that."
And that was the day I turned my head around, looked up from the side of the mountain and realized that even if I got to the top, that wouldn't even be enough. I would still be compared. My achievements and the fury I faced on the same trail, with the same slopes and obstacles, and the same weather would still be judged alongside that of a man's. It's not about time or speed or how hard you're convulsing to get back what you put in once you make it there. It's not about anything except the one thing.
So if you think that you are not someone to hold up a sign, if you think that women are awesome but need to be quiet, if you think that it doesn't matter to give yourself a name, then you should look at what's ahead of you and think about opportunity. How is that going to come to you? What's going to stand in your way? And if you think hard enough, you might just be in the shoes I was in when I finally turned my head and knew.
I know that I will have to work my ass off to get where I want to go. I know that men in my position will too. I know that I will take the same classes, have the same teachers, pay the same amount of money, drive on the same roads, and wear the same coat as them one day. And the question is not did we get up there in the same way. The question is, if we both made it to the same top, why do I still have ten steps to go?
