Some people are lucky. They grow up with a great group of friends and most importantly, they stay friends throughout the years. I, unfortunately, did not experience that. My dad did though, and his childhood friendships that blossomed into lifelong relationships have always been my unattainable standard for friends. In my case, friends have come and gone so often that I do not remember the last time I had a friendship that didn't fizzle out. I have questioned my sanity, reevaluated past actions, and reflected on those old friendships that cease to exist anymore. After careful consideration, I have come to a few conclusions.

1. I failed to be as understanding as I should have been

Growing up, I was so caught up in my own problems and current events that sometimes I neglected the feelings of those around me. I was far from a pompous person who bulldozed those around me to get my way, but I realize at times I was ignorant and didn't check in on friends who would have appreciated my support. I take responsibility, but I also recognize my age. I was younger, more immature, and caught up in the moment of growing up. Still, I did not succeed in being a perfect friend and for that I am at fault.

2. I let my ego get in the way of being a genuine friend

Even though I know I tried to treat people well, I wasn't perfect. Today, I am unrecognizable to those who used to know me because even just a year ago I had different priorities. I used to REALLY care about how people perceived me. I said I didn't care, but I did. A lot. I took extreme care of my appearance: making sure my hair, makeup, and outfit of the day were on point. I took pride in myself, but I see that I went overboard. The people who didn't like me became my "haters" and I laughed at rumors about me. There were times when I was hurting internally, but externally I pretended to be unconcerned. I paid attention to a reputation that wasn't real. While I was busy with high school drama, I unintentionally pushed friends away. Not everyone wants to stand by someone who consistently has gossip circling around her. I get it. I could have done better.

3. I didn’t fight for the ones who were worth it

My biggest mistake with past friendships was that I didn’t try harder to keep the friends who mattered. Although only a couple people come to mind, they meant so much to me. I still remember the memories we made and I even have dreams about what it would be like to be friends today. At the time when friends came and went, I was hurt, humiliated, and angry. I couldn’t channel my emotions in a mature way, so instead I acted like I was better off and moved on with my life. I didn’t show that my friendship was something that could be mended, so people also moved on from me. I know that I will continue to make friends all my life, but the ones who got away are the friendships that still haunt me.

If you're reading this and resonate even a little with what I have to say, make your gratitude for your current friends known. Let the people around you know their friendship matters to you and that you will continue to show how much you value their companionship, even if it seems like there is no reason to be doing that all. People deserve to feel important and shouldn't have to fight for your attention. The ones who are worth it, are worth making an effort for.