Now that we’ve all been living with social media for a few years, it’s settled into a nice rhythm. Some things just get posted to Twitter, some to Facebook, some to Tumblr. It’s almost difficult to articulate why anymore; that’s just…the way it is. Twitter is for networking and updates. Tumblr is for anonymity, relaxation, and fandom posting. Facebook is for birthday wishes and wine mom memes. If you can follow those general guidelines, you should be able to (mostly) keep from having a horrible Facebook falling out.
Mostly.
A while ago, I did get blocked by one of my uncles. To be fair, my uncles are all out in the midwest, and Republican (as is most of South Dakota).
A little bit of personal history: South Dakota has been a red state for the last twelve elections (and most elections before that besides four). My grandfather was a Democrat, maybe one of the truest I’ve ever met, the kind only bred by standing in opposition to the popular opinion for years, the kind made from real independent thought and perseverance. I couldn’t tell you one way or another where my grandmother fell on the political spectrum. Nyla Wince was raised in a Republican family, but Nyla Schad stood by her husband.
This was the example set by my grandparents. Charlie and Nyla had one son and five daughters. Many of those girls married one of the plentiful Republican men. Those men, my uncles-through-marriage, are used, as Papa Chuck was, to believing what they believe and—
Well, to put it frankly, they’re not very used to being challenged. And I’m not looking to paint South Dakotan women as meek or submissive, not at all. That would be false, misleading, and a flat-out lie. Men and women alike skirt around the topic of politics in order to keep their worldview stable, so they don’t have to think any differently of people they like. I’ve seen Spearfish women on Facebook joking about unfriending their husbands until after election day just so they’ll be able to look their spouses in the eye when it’s all said and done.
So what was it that I got (not unfriended, but) blocked for? Some comment or other about old white men.
On the one hand, how immature can you be? The only kind of person I could imagine blocking me for a comment about old white men is…an old white man. The kind of person that has faced little real discrimination, and none in the form of racism or sexism. The kind I believe to be intelligent but without motivation to contemplate the existence (or lack thereof) of reverse racism and reverse sexism.
On the other hand, I didn’t even know he’d blocked me until a couple weeks ago, and it’s been months. There was no comment, no voiced expectation for me to keep views like that to myself, and no sign of disappointment. I’ll admit that I was slightly disappointed and at least a little bit hurt at first. This is a man I respect and that I’ve always felt, if nothing else, I could have a rational conversation with, even if we do disagree at points. To hear that he would rather not hear what I have to say stopped me in my tracks.
Truth be told, I don’t believe him to be narrow-minded. Just very set in his ways. Closed-minded, perhaps. He’s made it this far in life the way he is, but I don’t think he would ever expect me to make my way through life with the same set of ideals.
It’s sad that he seemed to see his choice as being between starting a fight with his twenty-year-old niece and blocking her, but a man’s gotta do what a man’s gotta do. He’s the Boss Man for quite a few people; families depend on him for support and paychecks. He’s a hard worker and has faced his share of struggles. Anything I say about old white men as very little to do with the men themselves, but with the fact that they will never face additional struggles based on those descriptors.
So it could be worse. It could’ve been an actual fight, or I could’ve been told where my place is. And that would’ve been a crying shame; this uncle’s not half bad and I would hate it if I lost all respect for him.
In everyday life, you need to be able to work with people regardless of political or idealogical stances. A few years ago I would’ve thought this obvious but, then again, a few years ago I’d hardly started forming my political ideas or personal philosophies. Sometimes this means ignoring an ignorant comment made by your employer and, I guess, sometimes it means blocking family. The fact of the matter is that you will need people and people will need you, even if you don’t see eye-to-eye on every issue. Of course, this becomes an issue when the things we decide to label as “political” and deem not polite conversation are not solely political. The privilege people mean when they say “check your privilege” can be boiled down to the ability to put things into a “political” box in your mind and forget about them. What’s political to you might be someone’s everyday experience, inescapable, all-encompassing. They don’t get to erase it or ignore it. You do, but the fact of the matter is that you also have the most power and the most ability to initiate a change to that. You’re the one with a duty to listen and to act until the power equals out, until that duty equals out and becomes a general, ideal “when you see injustice, do something about it.” Everyone should carry the same weight with their voices, have the same ability to impact the world. Until we reach that point, though, it’s your job to listen.
So here’s the Not The Worst Thing You Could’ve Done award. “Out of sight, out of mind” is not the worst personal philosophy to have, but it is a temporary fix at best. Some conversations need to be had, even if we don’t come away on common ground. Sometimes, old white men need the practice in listening to people that disagree with them, and sometimes young women need the practice in voicing their opinions and defending their views.
