It’s OK To Focus On Yourself Instead Of Him

It’s OK To Focus On Yourself Instead Of Him

Because lets be real, he sucks.


For a long time, since I don't even know when, I have focused- even obsessed- over the idea of having a boyfriend. I had all of these plans that I would be married by a certain time in my life, have kids after reaching a certain milestone in my academic career, and build a house with this ginormous amount of money I was going to have by the time I was 21.

Well, now I'm 22, nowhere near finished with my academic career, have no money, and don't even have time for anyone other than myself. I have spent SO much of my time worrying about all the wrong things that I forgot to worry about myself. I didn't realize that I needed to worry about myself until my mental health started playing a huge role in my life. A diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder and a big moment of realizing the guys who cheated on me were proposing to the girl they cheated on me with later, I started working on worrying about myself.

I started self-reflecting, growing as a person, becoming someone I liked to wake up to and could live with without complete disappointment during the day... these were things that I let consume me instead of thoughts on why I wasn't "good enough" for him. Next thing I knew, I was about a year and a half in without worrying about a guy. It was in that moment of realization that I learned focusing on myself was probably the healthiest thing I had done in my entire life.

Even after that point of my life, I found myself in a relationship with someone where instead of continuing to adjust what I wanted in life and for myself to fit around the relationship (like I normally would do), I decided I had to stop allowing myself to stray from who I was and wanted to become. Rather than giving up parts of me that I had worked so hard to develop and build up over the last couple of years, I decided if someone didn't want to adjust themselves for me, it wasn't meant to be.

I say all of this to say, focusing on who you are, eliminating the parts of you that you dislike, striving to be who you want to be, aiming for what you want to accomplish, and knowing what you want as your own is such a rewarding and never-ending process. You have to be able to love who you are before you can fully allow someone else to love you.

And sure, even now the cute Instagram pictures of couples and the cold weather cuddles has me thinking about the idea of attempting the dating life- but let's be honest, I don't actually want to take part in the efforts of developing and maintaining a relationship with anyone. It's SO MUCH WORK! Don't get me wrong, kudos to anyone who is making it work with their significant other.

But personally, I have no idea where my life is going to take me. I just now figured out the professional direction I want to go in, but I have no clue where it could take me geographically. Not to mention that guys at my age are just mostly annoying when it comes to dating. They really don't want a relationship; they just don't want to be alone or they just want the benefits. And I'm sorry (not really), but I don't have time to waste my time.

When the time is right, when it's meant to all come together and some guy sees me walking past them and they realize they just got to know who I am- that's the time I look forward to. So until then, I'm just going to continue to learn, grow, develop myself professionally, and be the best person I can be as a friend/sister/aunt/daughter and call it a day!

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62 Things Only Fat-Campers Understand

Please don't call it "weight-loss camp."

1. Knowing how to strategically maximize your allotted Splenda packets for the day.

2. Standing up and pretending like you've been exercising during an activity the whole time when your counselor checks on you.

3. Trying to explain to your home friends what fat camp is, but giving up because they just don't get it.

4. Knowing to choose "free swim" for choice activity instead of aerobics.

5. Forever remembering the day you won camper of the week as the best day of your life.

6. Hanging out with the opposite sex after working out all day and not even caring that you're sweaty and have major B.O.

7. Feeling like the skinny one at camp when you're usually the fat one of your friend group at home.

8. Losing the most amount of weight in a week during color war.

9. Having uncontrollable anxiety that you gained weight before weighing in each week.

10. Knowing all of the color war generals and advisors of the past five summers and their themes, who won and the song and cheers by heart.

11. Inexplicably losing three pounds in a week even though you skipped aerobics practically every day and ate double snacks.

12. Living and breathing yellow or blue for four days during color war.

13. Using nutrition class time as nap time.

14. Singing the words to your division's winning cheer every time the song plays on the speaker.

15. Feeling nostalgic every time you hear a song that you danced to during Zumba.

16. Proudly showing everyone your picture on the weight room hall of fame.

17. Staying with your friends during the 5K even though you can run faster because you care more about helping them accomplish a race than beating your personal time.

18. Singing the “accentuate the positive, eliminate the negative, and don't mess with mister in-between" song at any age, proudly.

19. Using rest hour to flirt with your crush and being yelled at by your counselors to stay five feet apart.

20. Totally disregarding the five-feet rule.

21. Staying up late to wait for your counselors to come back from their night off and pretending to be asleep so you can hear all the gossip.

22. Saving your snacks from the week to eat them all on Lazy Sunday.

23. Your summer was set if you found out you had cooking class right before lunch.

24. Guessing what dessert is while eating breakfast.

25. Hiding Splenda packets and salad dressing under the table.

26. Discovering that butter, Splenda and syrup in instant oatmeal is actually delicious.

27. Eating your cereal with yogurt instead of milk because you're only allowed one dairy product for breakfast.

28. Hiding in the weight room from your counselors so you don't have to participate.

29. Snack time is dangerous. You have to be on the defense or you might break an arm from someone pushing you to get the last lemonade flavored icy.

30. Skipping aerobics on Lazy Sunday even though it's mandatory.

31. Lying to your counselor that you can't do water aerobics because you are “on your period" but then having to walk laps, anyway.

32. Going to the other side of the field house to steal a second, third or fourth snack.

33. Complaining of a sore throat to get candy (cough drop) from the nurse.

34. Complaining of an upset stomach to get out of playing tennis.

35. Complaining of a headache to get out of playing kickball.

36. Complaining of literally anything to get out of doing anything physical activity-related.

37. Laying in your bed after an intense fitness session and not even caring that your sheets are dirty.

38. Becoming best friends with people you never thought you would have talked to outside of camp.

39. Finally being able to fit into your "skinny shorts" two weeks into camp and giving away all your bottoms that don't fit you anymore.

40. Regretting giving away your fat clothes when you, inevitably, gain weight over the year.

41. Crying when you only lose one pound when you thought you worked really hard that week, then being comforted by all your friends and counselors and being reminded that the number on the scale doesn't matter.

42. Looking forward to seeing your parent's priceless reaction to your weight loss on visiting day.

43. Getting crafty where you hide your food that you sneak into camp.

44. Releasing a sigh of relief when the head of camp checks your bags and doesn't find the gum or sour patch kids hidden in your shoes.

45. Yelling at everyone to be quiet so you can hear whether they announced your name when packages are being called.

46. Keeping up with your healthy lifestyle for the first few months of school, but then going back into hibernation until the summer comes.

47. Every conversation with your camp friends during the year starts with, “I'm so fat."

48. Skipping an activity to sleep in the bunk but being too anxious that you'll get caught to enjoy your free time.

49. Sleeping in single beds because it's dangerous to have bunk beds at fat camp.

50. Slowly accepting and loving the fact that you go to fat camp and not being afraid to tell people that.

51. Looking forward to every summer because you miss your summer family, but especially because you want to lose all the weight you gained back over the year.

52. Learning that you are not the only one who's eaten food out of a garbage before or snuck snacks while your parents weren't looking.

53. Fat-campers are hornier than the average camper.

54. Watching "Heavyweights" so many times that you can recite the whole movie by heart.

55. Learning to value people for their personality, not their looks, and wearing your “fat camp goggles" even after the summer ends.

56. Learning where the best make-out spots are from trial and error.

57. Hiding your fat camp bracelet on field trips so that employees don't stop you from buying food.

58. Getting used to people paying more attention to you after losing a lot of weight.

59. Playing this version of Bingo during nutrition.

60. Finally feeling like you fit in and wishing you lived two months for 10, instead of 10 months for two.

61. Knowing that there aren't any strangers at camp, only friends you haven't met yet.

62. Leaving camp in the best mental and physical shape of your life.

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If Your Shorts From Last Summer Don't Fit This Spring, Don't Panic Just Yet

Sometimes sucking it in doesn't even cut it.


We've all been there — you put on a pair of shorts that fit you like a glove last year and they just don't fit the way you remembered. This feeling sucks, but there are plenty of solutions for when your favorite pieces can't quite fit over the love handles.

First off, there's nothing to be ashamed of! It's normal for people to pack on a few extra pounds during the cold months due to lack of outdoor activity, holidays, and overall laziness. Usually, people lose a little extra weight in the summer months by being outside and sweating and eating fresher and healthier foods. So who knows, by the time summer is in full swing, they may fit again!

The obvious answer would be to work out, but I understand that's not for everyone. For those who are looking into getting back into shape for bikini season, a good mix of cardio and lifting three to five days a week will help tone and slim that body down in no time! Make sure that if you start exercising, eat enough nutrients! Some people tend to think if they eat less and work out, it'll help you lose more weight, and yes this is true, but you'll also be losing muscle mass in the long run and this can be detrimental to your health. Getting sufficient nutrients is vital to making sure your body is functioning properly!

For those of you who don't necessarily want to do any formal exercise, eat healthier and go on walks! It's amazing what adding a walk into your day will do for your body! Not only will it help your heart health, but it will tone your legs and help shed some extra pounds. Eating healthy is also pivotal to getting rid of unwanted fat. Diet fads are definitely no way to go. It's not about eating less necessarily but eating what's good for you. Everyone's bodies are different and it will take some figuring out to find what works for you. There are plenty of yummy fruits and veggies in season in the summer, and there's plenty of opportunities to grill out and make some healthy options! Take advantage of this! Whether you're grilling low carb meats and fish or throwing on some veggies for a side dish, grilling is a great way to make healthy meals for you and your family!

For those of you who are fine with the little extra weight you've gained, buy new clothes! Picking out and trying on new clothes can be very fun, but also expensive. If it's not in the budget to head to your favorite retailer and pick out a new pair, head to a thrift store! There are plenty of second-hand options that are not only affordable and cute but environmentally sustainable as well! The fashion industry creates so much unnecessary waste year after year, and you can help cut down by buying second-hand.

With all of this being said, love your body! There are so many different shapes and sizes in the world, and not one person is the same as another, so be proud of what you look like! Whether you're a size XS or a size XXL, everyone deserves to feel comfortable in their own skin. If you're not comfortable with what you look like and wish you could change it, do it! The great thing about our bodies is they're so easy to make changes to. Whatever the case, the weather is warming up and it's almost time to trade those sweats for some shorts and bathing suits!

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