It’s OK To Focus On Yourself Instead Of Him

It’s OK To Focus On Yourself Instead Of Him

Because lets be real, he sucks.

106
views

For a long time, since I don't even know when, I have focused- even obsessed- over the idea of having a boyfriend. I had all of these plans that I would be married by a certain time in my life, have kids after reaching a certain milestone in my academic career, and build a house with this ginormous amount of money I was going to have by the time I was 21.

Well, now I'm 22, nowhere near finished with my academic career, have no money, and don't even have time for anyone other than myself. I have spent SO much of my time worrying about all the wrong things that I forgot to worry about myself. I didn't realize that I needed to worry about myself until my mental health started playing a huge role in my life. A diagnosis of Bipolar Disorder and a big moment of realizing the guys who cheated on me were proposing to the girl they cheated on me with later, I started working on worrying about myself.

I started self-reflecting, growing as a person, becoming someone I liked to wake up to and could live with without complete disappointment during the day... these were things that I let consume me instead of thoughts on why I wasn't "good enough" for him. Next thing I knew, I was about a year and a half in without worrying about a guy. It was in that moment of realization that I learned focusing on myself was probably the healthiest thing I had done in my entire life.

Even after that point of my life, I found myself in a relationship with someone where instead of continuing to adjust what I wanted in life and for myself to fit around the relationship (like I normally would do), I decided I had to stop allowing myself to stray from who I was and wanted to become. Rather than giving up parts of me that I had worked so hard to develop and build up over the last couple of years, I decided if someone didn't want to adjust themselves for me, it wasn't meant to be.

I say all of this to say, focusing on who you are, eliminating the parts of you that you dislike, striving to be who you want to be, aiming for what you want to accomplish, and knowing what you want as your own is such a rewarding and never-ending process. You have to be able to love who you are before you can fully allow someone else to love you.

And sure, even now the cute Instagram pictures of couples and the cold weather cuddles has me thinking about the idea of attempting the dating life- but let's be honest, I don't actually want to take part in the efforts of developing and maintaining a relationship with anyone. It's SO MUCH WORK! Don't get me wrong, kudos to anyone who is making it work with their significant other.

But personally, I have no idea where my life is going to take me. I just now figured out the professional direction I want to go in, but I have no clue where it could take me geographically. Not to mention that guys at my age are just mostly annoying when it comes to dating. They really don't want a relationship; they just don't want to be alone or they just want the benefits. And I'm sorry (not really), but I don't have time to waste my time.

When the time is right, when it's meant to all come together and some guy sees me walking past them and they realize they just got to know who I am- that's the time I look forward to. So until then, I'm just going to continue to learn, grow, develop myself professionally, and be the best person I can be as a friend/sister/aunt/daughter and call it a day!

Popular Right Now

10 Bible Verses for Self Esteem

Sometimes you need to search for inner strength and find your own self worth.
168050
views

We all get those days that we just don't feel good enough for anything. Everything is going wrong. For me, I go to the bible to read the words of God. His personal dialog for us is filled with encouragement, hope, and lessons we can learn from. Here are my top ten verses that are uplifting and impacting when at the lowest of lows:

1. Philippians 4:13:

I can do all things in Him who strengthens me.

2. Psalm 46:5

God is within her, she will not fall.

3. Proverbs 31:25

She is clothed with strength and dignity, and she laughs without fear of the future.

4. Psalm 28:76

The Lord is my strength and my shield.

5. 1 Corinthians 25:10

By the grace of God, I am what I am.

6. Romans 5:8

I loved you at your darkest.

7. Psalm 62:5-6

Only God gives inward peace, and I depend on Him. God alone is the mighty rock that keeps me safe, and he is the fortress where I feel secure.

8. 2 Timothy 1:7

For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline.

9. 1 Peter 2:9

But you are a chosen race, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, a people for his own possession, that you may proclaim the excellencies of him who called you out of darkness into his marvelous light.

10. 2 Chronicles 20:15

The battle is not ours, but God's.

Cover Image Credit: chinadaily

Related Content

Connect with a generation
of new voices.

We are students, thinkers, influencers, and communities sharing our ideas with the world. Join our platform to create and discover content that actually matters to you.

Learn more Start Creating

If You Need A Pep Talk, Remind Yourself Of These 9 Things Today

We all need a pep talk sometimes.

7
views

My spirit animal for stress is honestly any character that just screams when they are freaking out, what a mood. College can have you feeling helpless but remember these and maybe you won't feel so bad.

1. At least you aren’t on TV

Think about it. Many TV characters royally screw up their lives continuously and I know when I watch, I am always cringing. Most of the time, I even have better solutions for that character and it makes me feel level-headed.

2. Even in sweats, you’re still best dressed

Some of the celebrities wear these crazy outfits that are not flattering or cute whatsoever. Wear your sweats and bare face with confidence, cause I would rather be dressed down than dressed in a giant meat suit. Love you though, Gaga.

3. If you’re forgetting things, it’s OK!

WE WERE ON A BREAK. Ross says it best, we had a month off of school, it’s only natural that we forget some of the stuff we learned last semester. All you can do now is review and try your best.

4. Your dog will always love you

No matter what happens, your dog will always be so excited to see you when you come home.

5. You’ll get your degree

It may seem nearly impossible now, but you can do it. Some of the best things in life take time and patience, with a little hard work added in.

6. Leslie Knope 

If you’re ever feeling bad just watch the first episode where Leslie falls into the pit and remember that at least you didn’t have to do that.

7. Your bed

After a long, hard day, your bed will always welcome you back with warm open arms. Once you climb in, all of your troubles go away.

8. Keep it neutral

Anytime my mind tells me “this is terrible and I don't know how things could get better," I always tell myself, yes, things could be better, but they could also be so much worse.

9. God has your back 

Through every situation, trial, and tribulation, God is always there silently watching his plan unfold. He gives his strongest warriors the scariest battles, for He knows they will conquer.

Related Content

Facebook Comments