I enjoy being busy. A full planner makes me happy. I like knowing that my day is meticulously mapped out-- study time, friend time, work time, and even relaxation time all in their little boxes, with me rushing from one to the next. Writing lists keeps my thoughts straight, something I desperately need with such a busy calendar. I hate big blocks of time with nothing explicitly scheduled -- how will I know what to do when there are so many choices? This begs the question: if I enjoy this busyness so much, why am I always waiting for Friday?
Even with my weekends as tightly packed as my weekdays, the end of the week fills me with an indescribable joy. The end of a meeting, a class, a coffee date -- why am I always looking forward to the end of it? Why do I feel the need to move on to the next thing so quickly?
I don’t want to just be the girl who’s busy. That girl’s boring. I want to be the girl who’s enjoying what she’s doing. I want to make tons of amazing memories and share them with great people. While I’ve made a conscious effort to only schedule things I know I’ll enjoy, and associate with people I know will help me grow, my days still drag and I’m still waiting for tomorrow. Have you ever felt this way? There’s an amazing quote from the final episode of "One Tree Hill" which explains this -- and warns of what can happen if we continue to refuse to be present.
“It’s the oldest story in the world. One day you’re 17 and planning for someday. And then quietly, and without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And that someday is yesterday. And this is your life.”
All the planning in the world means nothing if you aren’t enjoying what’s going on right now. The five-year plans, the vacation you have meticulously planned in your head but can’t justify booking, the worrying over nothing -- are they going to mean anything when life’s curve balls come flying at your head?
I’m making a vow today to change my outlook. I vow to be more present -- to fully absorb what I’m doing, and completely immerse myself in it for the time I’ve agreed to do it for. I will be happy to be doing what I’m doing -- and if it doesn’t make me happy or make me a better person, maybe I’ll finally learn how to say no. I refuse to continue to worry about editing an article while I’m at cheerleading practice, or thinking about getting coffee with my sister while I’m in the library. Maybe this vow means I’ll deviate from my bible of a planner and go out dancing with my friends, or spend an extra five minutes talking to someone after class about a subject that’s really interesting to me. Yes, I love having my day planned out. Knowing what the day is supposed to bring is great. But maybe deviating from that plan is what I need. I want to fully embrace life, busy or not, uncertainties and all.
