Flowers In Her Hair & Stars In Her Eyes

Flowers In Her Hair & Stars In Her Eyes

The story of a girl who gave too much
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Let me tell you a story about a girl who had flowers in her hair and the stars in her eyes. She spent her days flipping through the thin pages of a book, letting the sun caress her skin and warm her heart. Her golden eyes saw the beauty in everything and everyone; her words were never harsh. She seemed to glow as if she had absorbed the sun she spent so much time in.

Because of her beauty and her kindness, people would go to her in hopes that some of her light would rub off on them. Now this girl was compassionate and hated to see these people in the dark, so she offered them some of her light whenever they would come. They left with smiles and promises that if she ever needed anything, she could come to them. Soon, though, the people kept coming and taking, but never giving back. Her light began to diminish and slowly fade away.

She cupped the last of it in her hands and vowed to keep it safe, for if she gave it up, she would be left alone in the darkness.

“What happened to you?” People would ask, “Where is your light?”

“Don’t you have enough?” She’d ask, “You have more light than me.”

She showed them the small glow that sat inside of her hands, and with a tear, she sighed, “This is all I have left, I gave it all away.”

“We need more.” They pleaded, “Don’t you care at all?”

“But what about me?” She asked, taking a step away.

“You can make more.” They’d say.

“But it doesn’t work that way.”

“Please, we need this more than you.” They held out their hands with a spark in their eyes, they know that she’ll give in.

Her compassion is her weakness. Their words are a gun to her head, her selflessness the bullet, and her decision is the trigger.

She held out her hands and fell to the ground as they took the last light she had left, “Take care of it for me.” She said.

They left in glee, leaving the girl who was no longer bright to sit in the darkness where there’s no light.

She gave up everything; her light, her happiness, the flowers in her hair. The book she held was ripped and torn, her body felt used and worn. The sun no longer favored her skin and her eyes could only see the offensive. Her words held no warmth and a cold settled into her bones.

“I don’t understand why she’s acting that way.” The people would say, watching her from afar as they basked in the glow that she had given away.

“Why doesn’t she just make more?” They’d whisper, “It can’t be that hard.”

“Maybe she’s just being selfish.” One woman glared, “There’s nothing wrong with her.”

But they didn’t know the sorrow in her heart and the ache inside her chest that had come from offering her light to everyone. They couldn’t see the darkness in her lungs that choked her everyday. They ignored her cries and continued to live with the pieces of her that they had taken.

“I never saw it coming.” They would say after she was gone, “She was such a kind, happy girl.”

“I don’t understand why she would do such a thing.” They lamented, “If only she had asked for help.”

They soon forgot the beautiful girl with the flowers in her hair and the stars in her eyes who had given everything she had until there was nothing left at all.

Cover Image Credit: Tristan Hughes

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To The Boy Who Will Love Me Next

If you can't understand these few things, leave before things get too involved
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To the boy that will love me next, I need you to know and understand things about me and my past. The things I have been though not only have shaped the person I’ve become, but also sometimes controls my life. In the past I’ve been used, abused, and taken for granted, and I want something real this time. The guys before you were just boys; they didn’t know how to treat me until it was too late. They didn’t understand how to love me, until I broke my own heart. Before you truly decide to love me I want you to understand these things.

When I tell you something, please listen.

I’m my own person, I want to be loved a certain way. If I ask you to come over and watch movies with me please do it, if I ask for you to leave me alone for a few hours because it’s a girl’s night please do it. I don’t just say things to hear my own voice, I say things to you because it’s important to my life and the way I want to be loved. I’m not a needy person when it comes to being loved and cared for, but I do ask for you to do the small things that I am say.

Forgive my past.

My past is not a pretty brick road, it is a highway that has a bunch of potholes and cracks in it. I have a lot of baggage, and most of it you won’t understand. But don’t let my past decided whether you want to love me or not. My past has helped form who I am today, but it does not define who I am. My past experiences might try and make an appearance every once in a while, but I will not go back to that person I once was, I will not return to all that hurt I once went though. When I say those things, I’m telling the complete and honest truth. I relive my past every day, somethings haunt me and somethings are good reminds. But for you to love me, I need you to accept my past, present and future.

I’m just another bro to the other guys.

I have always hung out with boys, I don’t fit in with the girl groups. I have 10 close girlfriends, but the majority of my friends are guy, but don’t let this scare you. If I wanted to be with one of my guy friends I would already be with him, and if you haven’t noticed I don’t want them because I’m with you. I will not lose my friendships with all my guy friends to be able to stay with you. I will not cut off ties because you don’t like my guy friends. I have lost too many buddies because of my ex-boyfriends and I promised myself I wouldn’t do that again. If you don’t like how many guy friends I have you can leave now. Don’t bother trying to date me if you can accept the fact I’m just another bro.

I might be a badass, but I actually have a big heart.

To a lot of people I come off to be a very crazy and wild girl. I will agree I can be crazy and wild, but I’m more than that. I’m independent, caring, responsible, understanding, forgiving, and so such more type of woman. Many people think that I’m a badass because I don’t take any negatively from anyone. Just like we learned when we were younger, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say it at all.” Most people can’t do that in today’s world, so I stick up for myself and my friends. I don’t care what anyone thinks about me, or their option on how I live my life. The only thing I care about is being able to make myself happy. Even though I’m an independent woman, understand that I do have a big heart. Honesty when I truly care for someone I will do just about anything they ask, but don’t take advantage of this. Once you take advantage of this part of me, all respect will be lost for you.

I’m hard to love.

Sometimes I want to be cuddle and get attention, and sometimes I don’t want you to talk to me for a couple hours. Sometimes I want you to take me out for a nice meal, but sometimes I want a home cooked meal. Every day is different for me, sometimes I change my mind every hour. My mood swings are terrible on certain days, and on those days you should probably just ignore me. I’m not easy to love, so you’ll either be willing to find a way to love me, or you’ll walk out like so many others have.

I’m scared.

I’m scared to love someone again. I’ve been hurt, heartbroken, and beat to the ground in my past relationships. I want to believe you are different, I want to hope things will truly work out, but every relationship has always ended up the same way. I’m scared to trust someone, put my whole heart into them, just to be left and heartbroken again. I sick and tired of putting my whole body and soul into someone for them to just leave when it is convenient for them. If you want to love me, understand it won’t be easy for me to love you back.

When “I’m done.”

When I say “I’m done” I honestly don’t mean that I’m done. When I say that it means I need and want you to fight for me, show me why you want to be with me. I need you to prove that I’m worth it and there’s no one else but me. If I was truly done, I would just walk away, and not come back. So if I ever tell you, “I’m done,” tell me all the reasons why I’m truly not done.

For the boy who will love me next, the work is cut out for you, you just have to be willing to do it. I’m not like other girls, I am my own person, and I will need to be treated as such. For the boy that will love me next, don’t bother with me unless you really want to be with me. I don’t have time to waste on you if you aren’t going to try and make something out of us. To the boy who will love me next, the last thing I would like to say is good luck, I have faith in you.

Cover Image Credit: Danielle Balint

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What Depression Has Taught Me, 365 Days Later

Dealing with depression is tough but there is always a silver lining to everything.

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Having to deal with the struggle of depression for the last year has been hard, but it wasn't until recently that I tried to look at the good it's brought my life.

For instance, here is a list of things that living with depression has taught me over the past year.

1. Empathy

Having dealt with and still dealing with depression first hand, I can relate to others that have ass well. It's one thing to sympathize with someone, but it's another thing when you can empathize with them since you actually know their struggles.

2. How to look deeper into things and understand their true meaning.

When I have my low moments I try to learn from them, grow from them and not deal with them head-on. Avoiding the dark times can lead to even darker ones, but looking deeper into the void of whats hurting you can help you find something good in it or find a resolution for it.

3. Everything is temporary! 

Whether it's good or bad everything in life is temporary for me, unless it's my faith. No matter the situation you are going through know that it will pass, something better with come down the road. Nothing will last forever.

4. Listen more.

If it wasn't for my grandma listening to me vent and caring about my well-being I wouldn't have gotten the help I needed.

If it wasn't for my counselor listening to me talk about my troubles, my dark times, my struggles then I wouldn't have learned how to cope and deal with my depression and anxiety.

Listening to someone is a simple yet effective tasks!

5. Looks can most definitely be deceiving. 

Numerous people have said that I don't look like someone who could be depressed or have bad days. The truth is depression can affect anyone regardless if you are rich, poor, bubbly, etc.

6. Writing has become my greatest escape for my depression!

Being able to express myself through writing has become a wonderful coping mechanism. Most days I stay in my bedroom, looking at the same four walls wondering what is wrong with me to feel the ways I do, but writing about my feelings and sharing the messages I have for the world helps tremendously.

7. Friends will come and go!

No matter if that friend has been with you your whole life or just for a few short days, some friendships will end and that's okay. Know that there is a friendship out there for you that will stay forever!

8. Erase all the negativity from your life.

If the negativity is a hobby, person, job, etc. If it brings you down and doesn't make you happy, then remove it from your life. There comes a moment in our life's that we have to remove all the toxic that brings us negativity. It's hard to do, but the outcome of doing so is rewarding.

9. It's okay to be selfish!

You need to do what is best for you, not anyone else. Depression can be a lonely struggle to deal with and in the road of recovery and acceptance we need to do things that benefit ourselves, our sanity, our life and we need to not worry about whether or not bettering ourselves mentally will hurt someone else.

For instance, if you want to keep the knowledge of you going to a counselor or getting on medication private from others than do so. You don't have to tell those around you until you are comfortable. Allow yourself to seek the help you need on your own time, no one else's.

10. Learn to love yourself!

This is one I still struggle with everyday, but we need to love ourselves first before we can love others.

11. Fearing failure can only hold you back. 

Failure is always a scary thought, but sometimes that fear can limit us at the same time for going after something that could change our life for the better!

12. Embrace the person you are!

Don't be embarrassed about being yourself, everyone is unique in their own way and going through life at their own time. Dealing with their own struggles. Don't ever feel like being yourself is never good enough!

These are just a few of the life lessons that I have learned the past year with trying to deal and better myself even with depression.

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