Throughout the years I have always been the girl to listen to everyone’s problems. I am the go-to person when my friends need to vent or when they need a favor. I have gotten countless phone calls from people crying at four in the morning. I have driven to pick people up in the middle of the night. I have been there for people when in all reality, I really didn’t want to be. I do all of this from the bottom of my heart and try my hardest not to expect anything in return. I do all of this because I truly believe that a friend should be there for another friend no matter what. And though I never regret doing anything that will benefit a friend in need, many times I feel very unfulfilled; often, I give my heart and soul to someone and I don’t even receive a sincere thank you in return.
I know they were taught better: always keep the ones that will do anything for you close to your heart and on your mind. But because I know they were taught these things, I can’t help but wonder: I wonder if these people I give everything to really do care about me. I wonder if they even consider me their friend. At this point, I find myself very alone. I find myself thinking, “Would my friends have done the same for me?” But when these thoughts cross my mind I feel very selfish; I feel as though I come off as doing acts of kindness just for some sort or reward. This is not the case at all. I am just scared that no one will have my back when it comes down to it.
I know this is silly. My family and friends will tell me that there are lists and lists of people that would help me in a heartbeat. I truly do hope this is the case. I have plenty of friends, and they would do so much for me. Is it really fair to expect my friends to drop everything for me? Is it fair to get upset when they don’t listen wholeheartedly to my problems?
Maybe that’s the sole problem with loving too hard. We are always questioning if people care about us as much as we care about them because they are always on our minds. But if we take a step back and look at the little things our friends do for us, we can see how much they truly do care about us, how much we mean to them even though it isn’t always apparent. There are a lot of people that take me for granted, but there are a lot more people that cherish my friendship, and will go to great lengths to maintain it.
Everyone has their own way of showing their love. Not everyone will text you when they are missing you, not everyone will answer within seconds of you asking for help, and not everyone will come running to your place at 3 A.M. to make sure you are OK. No friendship is perfect. No human is perfect.
What I have learned is that loving too hard isn’t a problem. It is a matter of knowing who deserves that love. Don’t be afraid to address your concerns to your friends. Kick the people who take you for granted out of your life. Learn to love yourself as much as you love other people.
