Being in a long distance, relationship isn't very easy. When we're together everything is good, we don't argue or have any problems. But since most of our relationship is over the phone, we tend to have many arguments because of miscommunication.

So, when we started talking about Communication and Conflict Resolution in class my ears perked right up, and I was ready to learn how to fix our problems.

The first thing we learned was that silence does not fix anything. When we used to get upset with each other we would stop responding to texts and ignore each other for most of the day. Which only made things worse. We would grow angrier with each other and things wouldn't end well. So, that was the first thing we fixed. Instead of ignoring each other we opened up to each other and talked about what was bothering us.

If we were talking over the phone about our problems, I learned from class to not interrupt, don't talk about my own experiences, and don't tell my own feelings. Which ended up helping a lot. I let him speak until we were, done expressing his feelings then I reacted. But I didn't say how I felt or made it about me. I focused it on him and tried to help the situation.

This was something he also struggled with and after I told him about it, he fixed the way he handled things also. He used to try to relate any problem I had to something he either went through or was going through and it absolutely irked me. But, after expressing this to him he changed and started listening to me more and not making it about him.

Through class I learned that women think very differently than men that's just how it is. When women tell their problems to men, they don't want to them to solve it they want their support. And my boyfriend learned that and has been using it very effectively. Whenever I came to him with a problem, he ALWAYS tried to fix it or try to figure out how to fix it for me and all I wanted really was for him to sit there and just listen to me not try to solve my problems. So, I used my new communication skills and told him to support me not trying to solve whatever problem I was having at the time. He didn't even realize he was trying to solve my problems. Since, then he has been very supportive of me and not nagging me which, has been a breath of relief. It has honestly helped me so much more.

I learned that I can't expect him to read my mind when something is wrong. This is something I struggled with a lot. I struggle with opening up and telling someone the things that upsets me in fear of him leaving me. Once, he learned this truth he reassured me that there's nothing that I could do to make him leave me. So, I started opening up and telling him things more and more instead of assuming he can read my mind, and this has also helped our relationship tremendously.

The biggest eye opener we took away from my class is to use the "I feel... when you... because..." statement because it is the most affective. This has stopped us from putting the blame on each other and really talk and fix AND forgive, forgive, always forgive. Don't hold a grudge because that only puts a dent in your relationship.

Somethings that has also help tremendously is David's Rules for Fighting Fair. Which, I think everyone should know.

They are:

1). Choose your battles

• Really decide if this is something worth the argument.

2). Don't bring up the past

• Bringing up the past doesn't help anything it only makes the argument 10 times worse.

3). Don't fix the blame – fix the problem

• Don't go back and forth on whose fault it is, just focus on fixing the issue.

4). Always go for win – win

• If only one of you gets what they (or you) want, then your both losing. You need to make a compromise so you both can win and so both parties can be happy.

5). Never threaten – physically or emotionally

• No matter how made you get don't threaten breaking up or in some cases marriage. Again, that just makes everything worse.

6). Choose your words carefully

• Don't use nasty words that could potentially hurt the other person try to keep things as calm and civil as possible.

7). Allow for time – outs

• If things are getting too out of control, then take a breather.

8). Don't call home

• NEVER call home!!! It could end up making your family or your partners family resenting the other and that will never end well. It also undermines trust.

9). Don't go to bed angry

• Another NEVER. Never go to sleep angry because then you'll just wake up angry and that's never fun.

10). Always apologize

• The argument needs to always end in an apology. Even if you feel like you didn't do anything wrong don't apologize for that apologize for spending that time fighting.

The last things I learned was the love language I was. Which was Words of Affirmation or Affection. Which made a lot of sense because I felt like I was constantly nagging him to open up to me and just tell me how he was feeling. After explaining to him about the different Love Languages and telling him which one I was he opened up more.

This class has helped our relationship so much already. We've grown together, connected more, and bonded more (all are pretty much the same). We argue less and have been able to effectively communicate. If it wasn't for this class I don't know where we would be. I think Family Relationships and Gender Roles should be a required class.