Denial: I refused to believe that it was over. I couldn't accept the fact that I had to move on and that everything that had happened was in the past.
Anger: I was angry at myself for not being more appreciative. I was angry that I couldn’t go back in time and do more to make the most of it.
Bargaining: I wasn’t able to let go. I was going back and forth, thinking about what’s best for me. What do I do next?
Depression: I was heartbroken.
Acceptance: Life is too short to dwell on the past.
Charles Darwin once said, “it is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent that survives. It is the one most adaptable to change.” Have you ever thought about how change is the only guaranteed constant in your life? The one thing you can expect from now until your very last day on earth is that change will happen and not one day will ever mimic the next. I often find myself in awe over the fact that tomorrow holds something new that has never transpired before and today will be over before I even take a second to realize it. Time means inevitable moments of transience and acceptance of the fact that it is precious. It’s all just so overwhelming when you take the time to really think about it.
As my high school friends and I reminisce over the past four years, I’ve realized I am having a really hard time letting go of one relationship. Theres one relationship that is holding me back. One relationship that is giving me a hard time when trying to let go. My relationship with my past. The past 18 years. So much has happened and it’s crazy just thinking about how that stage of my life is over. Driving to my best friend's house at 2 a.m. with the most trivial of problems, going to the Wendy’s drive-through on a school night just to get a frosty, and eating on my best friends kitchen counter after the longest day of school has ended. Waking up and knowing that there is a routine that I’m used to and have gotten so good at maintaining. It’s all come to an end. I felt for a while that I was mourning this stage of my life that I felt so happy and comfortable in. After grieving for some time over the fact that my life was inescapably never going to be the same, I realized that I couldn’t view this fact as something negative. It’s not going to be the last time that I have to leave the past behind and move onto the next chapter.
After being in college for almost three months, I can honestly say that the bittersweet feelings that I’ve had since finishing high school are finally subsiding. At first, it was hard for me to appreciate the new friendships I was creating and the fun times I was having because I kept on comparing these new experiences to the old ones. I was caught up in the memories that would replay themselves in my head time and time again. It was so hard for me to get to the stage of acceptance and out of this funk I felt engrained in. In the end, I had to accept that this new life I was going to be creating for myself is the one I am going to be working with for some time. I needed to think confidently in what my new life has to offer. It is just the beginning to a whole new world that I get the chance to create from scratch.
