1) Microbreaks (TM)
"Take one 20 minute break every hour.”
“Take one 10 minute break every 4 hours.”
Blah, blah, blah. They keep coming up with "most effective" ratios for break:work.
They're all full of it, so I came up with my own system: Microbreaks! Whenever I feel like it (usually every 30 minutes to an hour), I immediately zone out for about 20 to 30 seconds and then immediately get back to work. For the break's duration, I let my mind wander to a completely different place and ban any thought of what I was working on. Once that’s done, I get right back to work and block any non-work related thoughts out. I can hit 8 hours or more of straight working if I take frequent Microbreaks(TM). Find something that works for you and use it.
2) JUST STOP
If you're too stressed out, just stop. I don’t care if you have a paper or an exam the next day, or if it's 4 a.m. and BOTH are looming.
STOP.
Play a video game, listen to music, sing, dance, sleep, look up some raunchy videos online for all I care. Do whatever you want. As long as you stop thinking about what you were doing, and stop paying attention to the inevitable work, you're on the right track.
Your productivity is going to be abysmal if you’re fretting and procrastinating. Taking a break and doing something else will only serve you better. Forget what your parents said about being conscientious for an hour (or three). Treat yo' self.
3) Work with a friend
You probably already do this, and you're thinking "that’s not so unorthodox..."
How about this:
Talk to your friend non-stop and no work will get done on either end. And if your compadre isn’t getting any work done either, it probably wasn’t that important anyway, right? Plus, you’ll feel better that you weren’t the only one not doing it, so you’ll feel less guilty! Bonus points if you do this with a high-achieving friend, because then you'll know your homework wasn't important!
The productivity boost here is purely that you'll feel better about not doing the work. Most procrastinators feel absolutely terrible and guilty while delaying things. If you're wasting time with a friend, you won't be as hard on yourself, and you'll have an easier time getting it done whenever you next attempt it.
Did I mention that grades and exams REALLY don’t matter as much as you think?
4) The Diarrhea Excuse (Also TM)
"How is this a productivity booster?" you ask? Just wait.
WHO THE HELL will call you out for saying: “Gee professor, I've been up all night running back and forth from the bathroom. I guess I ate something that didn't really agree with me... Really sorry I couldn’t make it to class and physically hand in my homework today, would you like me to meet you tomorrow so I can drop it off?"
NO ONE QUESTIONS DIARRHEA. EVER.
Feel free to use it on every single professor you’ll ever have, at least once per semester. Just vary the reasons for why you got the runs. At worst they’ll think you have a weak immune system or something. It's even more convincing if you send it at 3 or 4 in the morning (you were up procrastinating anyway, the least you can do is save yourself in advance). Usually, they don't even ask for the homework to be emailed or handed in the next day. They just ask for it next class, and that usually gives you an extra day or two.
Side Note: Your alternative is to use a file corrupter and submit work you haven't finished yet. By the time your professor opens up the email and realizes your file can't be read, you'll probably have the actual work done. I have never used this trick personally, so I can't attest to its success rate, but I do feel like professors are wary of it by now and may call you out. Claiming poo problems is safer.
This is a productivity booster for a couple of reasons: I can’t even begin to tell you how many times I’ve gotten myself some extra time to finish up homework, or study, or just plain skip class for the day by using this excuse. Not only does it let you sleep in, and squeeze in some extra free time, but you could also use it to finish the homework you procrastinated on! You'll feel a lot better once you've tried it, so go ahead.
Bonus: 4b) Use your allowed absences
It depends on the class and professor, but I ALWAYS make sure to use at least two absences, per class, every semester.
The thing about attendance is that it barely affects your grade. Skipping two classes usually won't hurt you at all (always check the syllabi). Not only will you get a kick out of dipping, but it's a lot more fun when you can get friends in on the gig and just go for a movie/shopping/bite to eat, etc. Some parents and professors try to guilt trip you into attending every class, beating the same old "every class costs $X, don't waste money!" dead horse. Yes, it's true, but the extent of stress or depression relief, extra time and overall endorphin boost from skipping is well worth it in my opinion.
Choose wisely, and always keep a spare for an actual sick day.
5) Half-ass it
You really don’t want to do it, right? You REALLY can’t be bothered. Awesome, just throw some trash together and make it sound and look pretty. Also, try to make it seem like you know what you’re talking about. Plus, if your professor likes you, you’re unlikely to get too much of a penalty.
This is my least advised method, because some people really don’t know how to half-ass with finesse. If you’re one of them, stick to the other 4.5 methods I've listed, because this will go badly for you.
If you’re really good at a particular subject, your half-assed work should automatically be above average. Keep in mind, your professor’s constant basis of grading is probably tied to the average skill of the class. You really don’t have to beat your own high score, just the class average! Though, you may be in trouble if you have a lot of competitive, smart, successful peers in your class.
This is a productivity booster because you’ll spend less time on something, and you’ll also get it done! Win-Win. More free time AND no homework. WOW.
Disclaimer:
I'm not responsible for any backfires when using these methods. Make sure you know what you're doing! I'm a high-achiever who worked to graduate with honors and an above average GPA, so please take my words with a grain of salt! What applies to me may not apply perfectly to you.
That said, this is serious advice. I have consistently used all of these methods in the past, and when used correctly, they worked wonders for my mental health, stress levels and stability. The sass is to add flavor and personality to the piece, do not let it detract from the suggestions!
