When your mother gets diagnosed with cancer, you freak out and wonder what in the world you will do without her. But then, she goes into remission, and you have a story to tell: what you learned from one of the hardest experiences of your life.
The summer after my freshman year of college was supposed to a golden one. I was life-guarding with all my friends at a local pool and had great plans for vacation. I was on top of the world. Approximately two weeks into the summer, my parents gave me some horrible news--Mom had breast cancer.
I was in shock, which turned to anger. How dare God give cancer to my mom? Hadn't we already been through enough? Both of her parents had died from cancer. My dad's father had died less than two years ago. Enough was enough or at least for me, it was.
The long journey of recovery began. My parents were in Chicago every week. Mom was tired all the time and the rest of us were stressed beyond belief. After countless visits to CTCA (Cancer Treatment Centers of America), Mom had a single mastectomy and reconstructive surgery. After that, she had roughly a year and half of chemotherapy. It seemed never ending. Now that we are on the other side of the journey, I can look back and realize some lessons I learned.
1. Life is full of surprises.
Coming off an exciting freshman year, I never thought the "cancer bomb" would hit our family. Our family had its share of tough times, but cancer? No, that one would leave us alone. Turns out, that bomb taught me to expect the unexpected, however cliché that sounds. You can't expect to plan everything out exactly the way you want it to be.
2. Be flexible.
I always have to have a plan. Sometimes I have just one plan, and sometimes I have nine. God forbid if anyone tried to change my plan. Well, cancer did. Cancer said, "Hey! You see your plans? I am going to destroy them with an AK-47 and there is nothing you can do about it!" After that traumatic lesson, I learned that you have to go with the flow. You can't fight against things that are out of your control. You need to let go of the frustration, a lesson I am still learning, and focus that energy on more important things like family.
3. Make your family a priority.
Most college students want to spend time partying with their friends rather than sitting at home with the same people they have been living with for 20 plus years. However, that will all change when you are face with the potential of losing someone you love. The scariest thought to me was not having enough time left with my mom. Mom is supposed to be there for college graduation, babies, and birthday parties! She can't leave me now! The very real and scary thought of never seeing my mom again caused me to treasure my family beyond anything I could have ever imagined. Now I spend most of my summers at home with them so I will never regret not spending time with them.
4. Be supportive.
After going through a tough time I really found out who my friends were. I had friends who genuinely cared about me and knew exactly what to say. I had friends who genuinely cared about me and had no idea what to say. I am incredibly thankful for both types. Then there were those who didn't know what to say and just left me alone with my grief and I am thankful for those friends too. They taught me what it means to be a true friend, not a fair-weather friend. I am so thankful for my support system because it has taught me how to be the best supportive friend I can be.
5. Get out of your comfort zone.
After Mom got diagnosed, I started thinking about what would happened if I got diagnosed today. Would I regret anything? Is there anything I will miss out on? Whenever it is my time to go, I do not want to have any regrets. I want to have lived my life to the fullest. I decided to get out of comfort zone and try new things. I joined ROTC for a semester. I made new friends. I joined new clubs. I forced myself to grow in ways I didn't think were possible. When you are faced with the brevity of life, you get a whole new perspective on everything. I used to be incredibly insecure around new people. Now I wave my weird flag early and have found real friends who think I am hilarious (for good reason I might add). Once you realize you only have one life to live, you will start to appreciate all the opportunities you are given and you will seize the day.
Mom's breast cancer diagnosis almost killed me. I was depressed, angry, cold-hearted, and distraught. I lost several relationships with friends. I made some even greater ones. I made bad decisions in my grief, and I made good ones in my grief. Cancer taught me so many lessons, both good and bad. It's not that I am thankful for cancer, but I am thankful for the lessons it taught me.
