Out of all of the things my mother has ever taught me, one thing has stuck the most.
You must first love yourself.
I was too busy trying to get men to love me that I didn't take the time to fall in love with myself. While I may not completely be there yet, I've come a long ways since my mother first said those words to me.
We both realized I was going to have complications with men when I got into a bit of trouble the summer before my junior year began. And although my mom has passed her knowledge down to me, I have learned some things on my own.
1. If he texts you to "hang out" after 10, you shouldn't reply.
He doesn't want to have a deep, late-night conversation. Trust me. I made the mistake of replying for about three months and it wasn't until he found someone that he thought was worth spending time with in the daylight, that I saw for myself that I deserved what that girl had. If he doesn't take you out, he isn't worth the time. After a while, it will get boring, you'll be annoyed with his texts, and if he's anything like who I wasted time on, he isn't planning on staying anyways.
2. Male attention is nice, but men are like squirrels.
They don't have the strongest attention spans. You'll get complimenting texts for a while, but being called beautiful is so much better than hot or sexy. If he is only interested in your looks, it's not healthy. And if you aren't confident in yourself, you'll be crushed when he moves on to the next girl and you'll end up right back at square one. I used these compliments to build my self esteem and it worked for a little while. Then I stopped replying to the meaningless messages from guys who didn't see beauty in my body and started going to the gym. I was too busy obsessing over the positive changes I saw when I looked in the mirror to check my phone.
3. There are good guys out there.
You can either find this out by going through all of the bad ones, or by being patient. There's this quote that says "Don't sit around waiting for Prince Charming. The poor idiot is probably stuck in a tree somewhere." But you don't need to be concerned with finding a man, focus on you. Get an education, find your passions, hangout with your girlfriends, work and save up money for a nice car or something. Whatever it is. You don't need a man to complete you. When it's your time, he will come to you and if he isn't what you deserve, move on.
4. Never, ever settle for less than what you deserve.
Even though he may buy you fancy dinners and material things, it doesn't mean he's a keeper. We all have our personal preferences when it comes to significant others. Either you can waste time accepting gifts, or you can find a guy that shares your love of cuddling and strawberry acai refreshers. There are too many men in the world for you to settle on one that doesn't make you happy. You deserve to be happy and you deserve the world.
5. Your heart is going to be broken at least once.
I think this is a given. And I say at least once, because if you're like me, you may find yourself ugly crying over multiple guys. Some heartbreak is inevitable, but please don't put yourself in the position to be crushed by some boy who doesn't deserve your tears. I've learned from every heartbreak or else I wouldn't have been able to write this article. It might have happened a few times, but that doesn't mean it didn't hurt any less each time.
I should have listened to my mom on more than one occasion. But I finally stopped, looked back, and realized I needed to make some changes. I got rid of late night booty calls for a handsome man that tells me "Good morning" and "Goodnight" every single day. I stopped thinking about a guy that only gave me a few hours out of the day because I have a man that talks to me every minute that he's able to. I refused invites for "hanging out" to accepting invites to dinner, where he tells me to get what I want and picks up the entire bill. I gave up meaningless kisses for forehead kisses and gentle kisses that give me butterflies and make me smile like a kid in a candy shop. I wasted time on a guy that didn't deserve my time, when I could have been spending it with my amazing man had I found him sooner. My point is that these awful experiences, these guys that hurt me, they all taught me to appreciate what I have now. I am blessed and I'm thankful to have a man that sees my worth and he shows it to me when I'm not always capable of seeing it myself. Ladies, you deserve that and nothing less. ALWAYS remember that.
