I finally have escaped the unhealthiest phase of my life. I am not on a diet, I do not workout every day, and I get colds every time the weather changes. Yet, I am healthier than I have ever been. I like to think that I am one of a kind, but this phase that I got myself into is pretty basic. When I entered high school I fell in love with a boy, like many girls do. And I made the same mistakes almost everyone does with their supposed first love.
1. I was taught to be a giver. Told that generosity was admirable. But, suddenly, I became someone who gave too much all the time. Giving too much of yourself, your time and your emotions to someone who does not do the same is not commendable, it’s just tiring.
2. I did not think clearly. I put my relationship above my best friends for periods of time. I was convinced that our fights were so intense because of passion, blind to everyone who tried to talk some sense into me. He was my best friend, but he was also someone I relentlessly competed with and argued with in the worst ways, which was not healthy.
3. I was taught to be forgiving, but I forgave too much. I did not stand up for myself, for fear of being without him. No one ever tells you how simple it is to one day be standing tall and level headed, and be manipulated into someone really small the next. Or how hard it is to listen to people when you are in this phase, even if you know they have your best interest at heart.
4. I was taught to be loving, but I loved way too hard. I lost all of my morale, and turned into a girl who hated herself. Don’t think loving someone too much can backfire into you not liking who you are? Well, it can. It takes over your brain and your common sense, and you cannot bear the feeling of living without them. It makes you forget who you were before, and you think that you are not worth anything without them. It makes you too vulnerable so that people can take advantage of you. But, one day, I woke up and his being gone was not the first thing I thought of, anymore. I did not have the feeling of the hole in the middle of my chest, anymore, and I could go days without thinking of him at all. That is when I realized the biggest mistake I made.
5. I let myself think he was the love of my life. I did not think how unhealthy we were was an obvious sign that we were not right for each other. Love of your life implies that no one will ever compare and no one will ever make you feel the same, and that is where I was gravely and entirely wrong. Why did I even want someone who made me feel so sad, annoying, worthless, belittled and betrayed, and who lied to so often? Why wouldn’t I want someone who made me feel the complete opposite of that? Well, it was because of hearing high school sweetheart stories and being brainwashed by The Notebook. It makes you think what you have is amazing and so worth the hard times, but when someone actually loves you they don’t create all of the hard times for you, they stand by you while you work through those times.
Sometimes, it takes finding someone new to open your eyes and see how blind you were. Or it takes time on your own to appreciate yourself for who you are, regardless of whether you are single or taken. I hate that people use the phrases, “you are my other half” and “you complete me.” Every person needs to be complete on their own. When you depend on someone else’s actions, words and feelings to be the sole source of your happiness, they will let you down in the end. The excessive dependability on someone else is what leads to you doing too much and feeling too much, thinking you will never be happy again without them.
Where we all go wrong in our first love stories is that we give all of our love and don’t save any for ourselves. And if you ask me, high school and college are the phases when self-love is needed the most.
