Everyone has been in a social situation in which they felt uncomfortable at some point. Whether it be because they are with new people that they don’t know very well or they are in an unfamiliar place, it happens. For people who are outgoing, this discomfort is not a problem because it is easier for them to ignore it and act like themselves again much more quickly than for a shy person. For those who are shy, like myself, these situations can lead to inaccurate assumptions. Those who know me well would never consider me shy, but when it comes to meeting new people and situations that are out of my comfort zone, I definitely am. This article lays out a few of the common assumptions made about shy people that are completely inaccurate.
1. People think we don’t like them.
For shy people it can be really difficult to open up to a group of people they just met and be talkative and friendly. Unfortunately, this can come across as disliking someone although most of the time that is not the case. The shy person probably really likes the new people they have just met but it is hard for them to come out of their shell quickly. We shy people naturally tend to stay reserved longer. This can result in the assumption that we are rude and do not like people.
2. People think we are mean.
I have had multiple people tell me that when we first met I was “glaring at them” or “giving them the death stare”. The truth is that I was in a situation where I was out of my comfort zone and was surrounded by new people, resulting in a very serious expression on my face. Since I am shy, I was not chatting up everyone around me and laughing and smiling like my normal self because I didn’t feel totally comfortable. The unfortunate thing is that I didn’t even see these people because I was so caught up in my own anxiety about the situation but the result was them being afraid of me at first. Which we can all find hilarious looking back because I am not scary or intimidating at all.
3. People think we don’t want/like to talk.
Just because I don’t become BFFs with every random stranger in line around me at an orientation does not mean that I “don’t like to talk”. In fact, those who know me well can’t get me to shut up. Shy people are often labeled as not talkative and unwilling to engage in conversation. This is another inaccurate assumption as there are plenty of shy people who will yap your ear off once they feel comfortable around you.
4. People assume we are upset about something.
There have been many occasions where I’ve had people consistently ask me if I’m okay and it almost feels as if they don’t believe me when I tell them i’m fine because they continue to ask. Just because I’m not super comfortable in the situation and am remaining reserved and quiet does not mean that something is wrong. It’s difficult for shy people to relax in uncomfortable social situations with people they don’t know well and our quietness and seriousness is often interpreted as us being upset about something. This is not always the case though as we just tend to need more time to take in our surroundings and scope out the situation before we can act like our regular selves.
5. Finally, people don't see us as leaders and think we don’t have opinions to share.
Because I’m shy, I don’t feel totally comfortable getting into debates with people I don’t know that well and it takes a lot for me to get up in front of a group and take charge. This does not mean, however, that shy people don’t make great leaders or that we don’t have anything to say about a controversial topic. The fact that we are more reserved and keep things to ourselves gives us time to process and think about our next move before we make it. The assumptions that we aren’t passionate about things and that we don’t have important opinions to bring to the table hurt us as we miss out on opportunities to be leaders and to make a difference.
In short, shy people are not always given a chance because their behavior is misinterpreted and as a result assumptions are made about them. The truth is that most shy people love to talk and to be around other people and have plenty to contribute. We just need a chance to warm up and come out of our shells before we can show our true colors and these inaccurate assumptions can inhibit us from doing so.
