So . . . you're looking to get in shape. You finally caved and bought a membership at your local gym, you went out and dropped a nice dollar on some badass new workout gear, and you're probably feeling pretty confident right about now. Maybe you've been down this road a time or two before, to varying degrees of success. Or perhaps this is your first foray into fitness entirely, in which case, boy, are you in for a treat!

But before you go hit the weights or hop on a bike, there are a few disclaimers you should hear. Now, I'm not talking about getting into the nitty-gritty of specific exercises or nutrition recommendations — I'm assuming you've already read up on all that stuff. Plus, I'm not a trainer, so I don't feel qualified to dish out a whole lot of unsolicited advice on things like sets and reps, calorie intake, etc. After all, I'm still figuring this stuff out myself.

But since I started out where you are now, I've learned a lesson or two that I wish I'd known a few years ago. So now it's time for me to share that with you! Or something, I guess. *Cue awkward transition No. 1!*

1. Little habits = long-term results

Let's kick things off with an insightful metaphor. Imagine you're hanging out down by a river. Why? I don't know, maybe you're just one of those people who's "into nature." Now, let's say you and a friend decide to pick up a large boulder and throw it into the river. That boulder will temporarily disrupt the flow of the river, ripples will flash across the surface of the water, you and your friend may even get splashed. But very shortly after that boulder hits the water, the flow of the river will return to the way it was before, and it'll be as if you and your friend were never there.

But now, let's say you and your friend have a lot of time, so you start slowly and methodically stacking up smaller rocks under the river, making a dam of sorts. It's going to take a long, long time, but eventually, the flow of that river will change. It has to; you've made it change.

Fitness works in much the same way as that metaphorical river. You can look for quick fixes far and wide — "90-day ab" programs, juice cleanses, whatever — but the best way to get real, sustainable results is through small-but-consistent lifestyle changes. Working out minimum three times a week. Cutting out soda (yes, I called it "soda"). And it works both ways. Just like you won't magically drop ten pounds after eating one salad, one bowl of ice cream won't make you fat. So just focus on the little things, and have faith that eventually your hard work will pay off.

Fun With Metaphors!pexels.com

2. Don't get hung up on deadlines

Look, I know that the common school of thought on goal-setting is that deadlines are good. Deadlines give you a timetable to work off of, motivation to get your sh!t done, and a way to measure results. So if you want to set deadlines for your fitness goals, go for it. But don't invest all your happiness and how you track your results into whether or not you hit some arbitrary deadline, because more often than not, you're going to let yourself down.

And your deadlines have to be realistic — it's one thing to say, "I'm gonna lose ten pounds in six weeks," but if it's March and you decide "I've got to have washboard abs by June," well . . . you're gonna be one dissatisfied customer come June. So don't stress that imaginary deadline so much; you've got plenty of time. Plus, I hear that "dad bods" are the attractive thing right now, and that's just great news for all of us fellas.

Here's a painfully generic stock image that probably relates to a point I just made.www.123rf.com

3. Everyone's different

Time for another metaphor! Imagine an apple. Now imagine an orange. Totally different, right? Now imagine that apple decides it really wants to bulk up and add muscle mass, while that orange is sick of the extra pounds and decides to work out primarily using HIIT (High-Intensity Interval Training, FYI). As that apple and orange go further into their training, they're both going to see totally different results! Suddenly, we've got a really buff apple and a rather lean-looking orange. Okay, maybe it's not quite as strong as my other metaphor. But you get the point, right?

Everyone's different, and in every way imaginable. Different goals, different genetic tendencies, different methods, and different lifestyles are going to produce different results. That guy on your right crushing drop sets on the leg press is going to end up looking very different from that guy training for a marathon on your left. And that's totally fine!

There is no one template for what "RESULTS" look like; my version of fitness may look vastly different from yours. So try not to get caught up on what everyone else is doing or comparing your progress to that of others — after all, it's not a competition, and we're all in this together. At least, that's what High School Musical taught me.

*Sidenote: That thing about not comparing yourself to others? I still struggle with that; it takes a lot of discipline to just put the blinders on and focus on yourself.*

Ex. 1 (left): Apple. Ex. 2 (right): Orange. In case there was any confusion.www.validissuesnotissues.wordpress.com

4. You will fail. A lot.

In the two years since I really started focusing on my fitness, it's become evident that the only true constant is failure. Yes, you're going to fail, over and over again, to the point where it becomes kinda funny actually. And you'll fail in lots of different ways. Maybe you have a three-day stretch where you just can't find the motivation to get up to the gym. Maybe you get up there and fail to hit that PR you've been training for all month. Maybe you meant to only have two slices of pizza, but fast-forward two hours and you've devoured the entire pizza, two whole cows, and a small Inuit village. Look, we've all been there.

But when you inevitably fail, it's crucially important that you realize why you failed, remember why you're doing this, and use it as a learning experience going forward. And I know that sounds cliche, but it's true. Because the alternative is just throwing your arms up, saying "screw it," and walking away from your goals entirely. And then in two months, you'll be right back here. Failure will come, but the important thing is how you respond to it. It's like that Chumbawamba song — "I GET KNOCKED DOWN! BUT I GET UP AGAIN! YOU'RE NEVER GONNA KEEP ME DOWN!" Yeah, you're welcome for putting that in your head for the rest the day.

Photo Credit: https://me.me/i/when-life-knocks-you-down-do-a-bur...

5. Failures can be big or small

Okay, the examples of failure I just listed are pretty minor, but what about the bigger ones? Maybe you don't just miss three days at the gym; maybe you mess up your shoulder on a lift and get sidelined for three months. Maybe your life gets busy and despite your best efforts, you just can't find the time to get to the gym. Maybe you think you're doing everything right, but then you realize halfway through your program that now you want a different kind of results from what you're getting.

These are the failures that can really do a number on your ego and turn your thinking negative: "Maybe this just isn't for me," "I should just quit," "I'm never gonna see the results I want." And honestly, failure sucks. No two ways about it. But here, the important thing is perspective. What might look like a massive failure now — whether it be injury, missed goals, whatever — is ultimately going to mean nothing in 10 years. By then, it'll just be a momentary blip in the story of your success. So stay strong. After all, Rocky, that all-American hero, said it best:

Photo Credit: www.amazon.com

6. Remember to enjoy life

When you're out there crushing your goals and getting better each and every day, it's easy to get caught up in the thrill of it all and forget that while training can be a blast, you still have a real life to live and enjoy. Friends, family, deliciously unhealthy food — that's what life's really all about. So take a break every now and then. Skip a workout to go out with friends. Order that double bacon cheeseburger with fries and a shake; don't feel guilty at all. And remember what it's all really about.

Family, Friends, and Food.www.delish.com

So there you have it! A bunch of fitness advice from some guy totally not qualified to give it. Are you feeling motivated yet? I sure am! Now, go hit the gym with these six truths always in the back of your mind. Good luck!