I remember when I asked my friends how their first year of college was, they said it was flawless and wonderful. They had extremely high GPA’s, started applying for leadership roles and did extraordinary things, while I did nothing.
I remember during the end of my first semester of senior year in high school, one of my friends and I were doubtful about whether or not we were even going to get into college. I was so scared because I am not smart as others. I was and still am scared because my family has really high expectations. But sadly, I am breaking inside because I am not smart and I don't think I'm meeting those expectations. People think those things of me because I got into Agnes Scott, but I know I am not, and I know it's sad to think that way.
When I found out that I got accepted to four out of five schools that I applied to, I was extremely happy and shocked that I got in. My SAT scores were not as high as I hoped they would be, but I was happy. My resume was wonderful, and so were my essays, but still I was shocked because my GPA in high school was not awesome or competitive. Anyway, when it was time for me to decide where I wanted to go to college, I was hesitant to choose Agnes Scott because it is a women’s college, but I knew that it would change me for the better.
Now unlike many of my friends who started college last year, my college life was not as wonderful as I hoped it would be. I did not get straight A’s or end up with a 4.0 GPA. I really was having a hard time adjusting because not only was I trying to adjust to the women’s college environment, but I am a commuter, and I was constantly thinking about all the family members who had high expectations of me. I wish I got a 4.0 GPA so I would not be freaking out about boosting up my GPA. I wish I did not have much pressure on me competing with myself. It's hard and scary.
Whenever I think about my future, I think about all those around me who are doing better than me and make myself try to be better or at least on the same level as them. But then I think that is impossible, and I really hate comparing myself to others; but I realized that in order for me to succeed and be better in life, I have to compete with others, especially since I want to get into medical school. I have to be better than great.
College is not easy. It's pretty hard. But even though I had some stressful moments, I really love it. You can work on yourself and become the better you. Sometimes you even learn things about yourself that you did not know before. It's great! But it's hard. Even though you have 2-3 classes every day, it's sometimes hard to balance them. Sometimes I just end up staring at the textbook, hoping I can consume all the information that is in there and that I get an A on the test.
Before I started college, I told myself that my goal was to get straight A’s, a 4.0 GPA and just be extraordinary. Fail! I didn’t get straight A’s but I got A’s and B’s. There were times when I got anxiety attacks and had to skip a class or two. Skip a class! That's something I had never done in my life! But I had to because I just needed some time to myself.
Tuition is another thing I worry about. I always think about the amount of money my dad has to pay for my tuition so I can get my education. College is expensive as fish. I always worry if I have to transfer to another college just so I can get the education I need. Whenever it's time for me to pay for my tuition my dad always talks about how expensive it is, and I warned him right when I started college that it would increase every year. He was tensed and still is. I apologize to FAFSA and other federal aid programs: I do not have a tree in my backyard with 100 dollar bills hanging from the branches. I belong to a middle-class family, but I feel like we are relatively poor thanks to tons of things we have to pay for bills, food, clothes, mortgage, loans, etc. Nowadays I don’t even buy clothes and just wear what I have and I really don’t care. I also get mad at myself for getting hungry almost every hour and try not to eat a lot because then we have to get more food. I know this sounds crazy, but it's true.
Anyway, college is expensive and hard that's it. But I know what I have to work on before starting my sophomore year. I have to get things straight and find solutions to things I did wrong during my first year before I start in a few weeks.
Those of you starting college or in high school: I’m not trying to scare you or anything; this is just my experience. College is awesome! Even though it was hard for me during my first year and tuition is high, I love it. I have changed. I feel better than how I felt just a year ago. I feel like my soul has been refreshed. In high school, I was afraid to raise my hand and ask questions, but now I know I can do it. I realized how much people care for me whenever I am down and how with every situation I have there is always someone I can go to. I got leadership roles that I know I would have never gotten in high school, and so much more. I have three more years of college, and I know for a fact that my magnificent college will change me for the better. I can’t wait to see and experience the changes in me. I am so excited.