It hits you. This wave of bricks and memories intertwined with good and evil. It all hits you at once. This is truly the worst feeling you will ever feel. They were the first one you truly loved. There is no doubt about it, it could have sucked 70% of the time, but you cannot not feel this. This is the first time life truly slaps you in the face, because heartbreak can’t be fixed by others. To deal with such a thing seems impossible because you have to fight this one alone.

The heavy breathing, your chest feels like it’s going to explode but you don’t know if it’s a blow from the outside or your heart trying to disconnect itself with the inner workings of your very being. The feeling you get when you go too deep under water and you gasp for air–it’s this eternal plea for more air in your lungs. It sucks. Oh wait, I forgot the best part: the tears, they don’t stop. You get a nasty case of the shakes as well. Picture every terrible thing that has to do with sadness and just insert here.

Ah yes, there is a but. You begin to open your eyes, not to the new options or the freedom you may possess, but to what you have learned. How you have grown, what you regret and how you wish you could have said x or y one more time just to see them smile. But you must keep your head up because giving up is not an option.

You've shed all the tears and experienced every crack and ripple, so now it’s time to patch yourself up and try to roll out of bed. Your pillow is probably soaked and you’re probably all gross and sweaty–don’t worry, just grab a shower. I'm not going to lie, once you get in the shower, shower thoughts pop into your head and you’ll probably cry. Don’t worry, that’s okay too. You must constantly remind yourself that it’s okay. Hearing it from someone else can only do so much, it’s yourself that you have to convince. That is going to be the hardest task.

You will go through the seven stages of grief. You won’t be used to this sudden feeling of being alone, then you will deny the fact that it’s happening, debate if it was the right decision, get angry because it’s really real, get sad because it’s really real and then, you will finally see that minuscule sliver of hope. Your puffy eyes will de-puff, your thoughts will not be so concentrated on the past. You can think about what has changed, how you have changed, the good things that occurred and learn from the bad things.

Maybe you needed a reality check, or maybe they needed one. You low-key know you needed a breather from the stress of the relationship, but being independent may seem foreign at this point in time. Hell, it could be something you’ve barely experienced at all. But deep, deep down you know for now it’s okay. And later if you and your previous significant other cross paths, you can re-evaluate and see if it’s fixable. Although that is circumstantial.

Hearts remake themselves, stronger, with a tougher shell so the blows aren’t so bad the next time. Every break is different, each crack has a story and meaning and every piece of tape has a goal. But in the end, you choose to either let it bring you down or let it build you up. That’s your choice. Of course, I recommend the latter, but maybe you needed this wake up call to knock you off your high horse. I know that’s what I needed. No worries, you can get yourself back up. That’s your choice and initiative must be taken by you and only you.

So learn from this earth-shattering experience, love more deeply and protect your heart from being too vulnerable. Be free. Allow yourself to take a step back and absorb what’s in front of you instead of trying to re-trace your steps. Be happy.

This one is for you lover-boy.