When I decided, to leave California for college I thought that I wouldn't miss home as much. In my mind, California and Hawaii were pretty similar, at least in the weather aspect, so my mind told me I wouldn't be homesick. Yet after I stepped off of my five-hour plane and got to my dorm two hours later, a part of me felt lost. I didn't know what to do when I got here. I unpacked a bit and was like, "okay now what." I ended up video calling my parents to tell them that I made it to my dorm safely. They were telling me how much they missed me and that they cried when they saw me go through TSA at LAX. At that moment, I was too tired to cry so I brushed it over thinking, "I got this."

The next morning, I woke up at 5 AM look at my phone and then started crying. I was hugging my stuffed animal on my bed sobbing saying that I missed my life back in California. I called my mom sobbing to tell her I missed home, I missed my pets, and the rest of my family. She reassuringly told me that it's okay to feel that way since it is my first time being alone and away from home. I confessed that I didn't think it'd be this hard. Hours later, I called my older sister, as she is at home for her college semester, and I told her how much I missed my dad, just the mention of him made me start tearing up. Minutes later she handed the phone to my father and we talked, and he reassured me that I will be feeling this way until I adjust to things. Just looking around my dorm room, it didn't feel the same as home did. I never felt more alone than on the first official day at my dorm.

I assumed the second official day would be better, and I was slightly wrong about that. I woke up feeling slightly anxious, once again with the loneliness hitting me. I called my parents once again to reassure them that I slept. I hadn't cried until my grandma started talking to me saying that she misses me and that I should just come home. I broke down completely, I didn't know what to tell her and I didn't want her to see me cry. I'm the baby of the family so hearing my grandmother's pleas just broke my heart. It's hard enough to make friends on campus when we are all more cautious due to the pandemic. Though, I have never been good at making friends in the first place. I know people in my dorm hall, but it's more of a casual, "let's eat food together so we aren't alone," type of friendship. Hopefully, once classes start up, I can find my people.

Now, I can say that I have semi-adjusted to the college life. Of course, my sleeping schedule is messed up as my brain is still on the California time zone, but it's nice to walk around campus just listening to nature. I also decorated a bit of my dorm and it's slowly beginning to feel like my second home. For now, I have been relying on talking to my friends from home and my family. I have developed a routine where every morning I wake up to walk around campus and explore, do my makeup, and then try to plan my day the best I could. I know every so often I will be anxious about not being at home, but college is all about finding who you are as a person and growing from the struggles you go through. My freshman college experience is not that of a normal one, but all I can do is try to make the best out of it.