I hate to break it to you, but summer is coming to an end and students everywhere are dragging themselves back to classrooms at ungodly hours. Some are relieved to be back at their colleges seeing their old friends and meeting new ones, but then there are the students like me. The ones who literally just cannot handle the first day of classes. This is the timeline of the first Monday back in classes, as illustrated by the girls of "Toddlers and Tiaras."
1. Praying you don't get stuck in morning classes.
Classes before 11 a.m? Nope. Can't do it. That time of morning does not exist. If you want me to be awake and look decent for class, you have to give me classes after 11 a.m. This is not negotiable.
2. But then you get stuck in an 8:30 a.m. class.
I'm sorry, no.
3. You try to find another section, but that's the only one offered.
You wake up at 7:30 a.m. realizing that there is nothing you can do to get out of this class, so you get out of bed, look halfway decent, and get to class early enough to get a seat in the back.
4. You get to campus only to find out parking definitely hasn't gotten any better.
That guy in the silver BMW obviously doesn't know who you are and what you will do to him for taking your parking spot. He gets a free pass this time, but it better not happen again. Watch your back, BMW.
5. You miraculously still have time to get coffee before class.
But the barista is in a rush and hands you the wrong drink. Typical monday luck. Whatever, coffee is coffee and you need the caffeine more than you need that extra pump of caramel syrup you asked for.
6. You walk the half-mile to your classroom and walk in to see your best friend saving a seat for you.
Miracles do happen. Wait, how did she get here that early? How did she even know you were in this class too? You should probably thank her for saving you from getting stuck in the front row. There's nothing worse than having to pretend to pay attention.
7. The professor starts to go over the syllabus, and you're sitting there like:
Does he really have to go over the whole syllabus? Can you just tell us how many unexcused absences we can have and then let us go home? No, we don't care where the tutoring center is located.
8. To make it more painful, he wants everyone to stand and say their name and a fun fact.
As much as you love to hear about Susan and her love for rescuing birds, you really don't care. Move along Susan, we've got other places to be. Thank you.
9. Somehow, miraculously, you make it through the entire class without falling asleep.
You made it. You go Glen Coco. You didn't fall asleep, your phone didn't go off in class, and its time to go home. You deserve a nap, because you've been up for like two hours already. Class is over. Life is good.
10. But then you realize that you have another class that starts in 30 minutes.
Can we just not?
