I have spent many years in the classroom, reading textbook pages, following PowerPoints, and scribbling notes down into notebooks. I've spent countless nights staying up until the early morning hours, studying material that had nothing to do with my major. I have passed exams with flying colors, I have had meltdowns from exams I failed, I have hyped others up about their grades when I did much worse. None of it seemed worth it, until this week.

This week, I finally had my first real-life clinical experience. My first time stepping into a hospital and caring for patients. My first time learned by not staring at a textbook or a bunch of plastic models. My first time acting as a real nurse.

It was absolutely horrifying.

At any given moment, I was on the verge of a major panic attack. I couldn't eat normally for days, I was crying in the shower, I felt completely and totally unprepared. It seemed like they were throwing me into this like a bird kicking her babies of the nest, spartan style. I just wanted one more month of classroom experience, one more month of practice in the lab, one more month of being in a controlled environment before I had to actually work on patients.

But no. It was go time.

My first day was basically just orientation. We got acclimated to the floor, found all the important aspects of it, and became familiar with the important safety and emergency plans. We were unable to log into our charting system due to a problem with the hospital's IT department. So instead of completing assessments and vital sign checks as they wanted us to, we ended up shadowing a current BSN on the floor.

I was paired with an amazing nurse. She was taking care of four patients, two post-op and two pre-op. All of her patients were sweet and understanding. The allowed me to stand by and watch our nurse work her magic. I watched her administer meds, clean IV lines, replace bandages, and pack deep wounds. She handled every beautifully, with ease and grace. Her patient's lit up when she entered the room.

She was amazing.

The second day, I was on my own. I was assigned two patients, both post-op, who were some of the sweetest men I have ever met in my life. We had some problems getting into the charting system again but were able to resolve them quickly with the help of the IT department.

I was able to do a complete head-to-toe assessment on my patients, along with their vital signs. I messed up on one of their vital signs, their blood pressure showing up on the Dinamap as 146/126. I sprinted to my instructor, scared out of my mind that my patient was about to bottom out.

Funny story, the cuff wasn't connected right.

Both patients were so kind to me. They were patient with me while I tried to figure things out. In fact, one of my patients let me sit in the chair next to him and talk for about an hour. He was going through some things that he needed to get off of his chest and wanted to know my story about how I decided to become a nurse.

I was able to help him work through the emotional distress he was feeling, leaving him with a smile on his face. I left my clinical that day with a smile on my face as well. I now know that I made the right decision about what to do with my life. I loved working with patients and being able to help them through it all.

Nursing is what I was born to do.