The toughest situation that we all have to face at some point in our lives is dealing with the death of a loved one. Many of us who have experienced this know that grieving the loss of someone so close to you is horrifying, dissatisfying, and something we would all avoid if we could. But the reality is that death is certain and, while we all grieve differently, there are a few things that can be obtained from such a heartbreaking situation. For example, when both of my grandmothers passed within six months of each other, I was overcome with sadness, guilt, and a sense of emptiness. But once I took the time to grieve, I looked back and realized that facing the death of my greatest heroes left me with some great gifts as well. I learned to never take anything for granted, to always show your loved ones how much you care, and, above all, to never miss a moment to say, "I love you."
This year will be my first holiday season without either of my grandmothers and, although there will be a huge void around the Christmas tree, I have taken the time to grieve and prepare for the hardships that I may face this year.
Share memories.
The best stories always start with, "Remember when..." Reminiscing about the positive memories that you share with your family about those who have passed helps to fill that feeling of emptiness and bond with those around you as well. Obviously nothing would be better then to spend one more holiday with them, but sharing stories about funny things that your loved one did can give you a sense of warmth and happiness that no amount of Christmas cookies can fill.
Laugh.
It is completely normal and necessary to feel sad and depressed, especially around this time when you are reminded of your loved one with everything you do. But those who have passed would not want you to have an awful holiday. Enjoy yourself and the company of your family and friends around you and make some new great memories. It may not be the same to go about your holiday traditions without your loved one with you, but passing the traditions down the line is what makes them so special. Take care of yourself and remember that the best medicine for a heartache is a good laugh with those you love.
Know that your loved ones are still with you.
It will be tough to not have your loved one with you physically this year. There may be an empty spot in the family photos, and you may find yourself shopping for gifts and finding things that those that have passed would have enjoyed to receive. But, while you are celebrating with family and friends, stop for a moment and take it all in. Look around and into the eyes of those around you, and you may realize that the death of your loved one has impacted everyone all around you, but their time on Earth impacted everyone even more. Maybe your aunt is wearing your grandma's old sweater or your cousin made cookies with your grandma's famous recipe. Your loved one is still with you everywhere you look if you just take the time to realize it. Yes, it is unfortunate that we will never physically be able to spend another day with those who have passed, but spiritually and emotionally, they can be with us whenever we want them to be.
It took me a while to come to the realization of all of this, even now while I write this post it still seems surreal that my grandmothers are no longer alive. But, now that I have come to terms with reality, I have decided that my grandmas would want me to enjoy this holiday season as much as I can, even if they aren't there. I constantly remind myself that they are still with me in each and every way, and I feel comfort and peace with this realization.
For those of you that are experiencing the loss of a loved one, I hope this helps. Everyone deals with death differently, but we all suffer together. Remember to keep your head high and make new memories to share with your friends and family that you can look back on and enjoy with a genuine smile and a sense of pure happiness.
Happy holidays to all!
