Sometimes when cleaning up you find things you didn’t know you were missing. That’s what happened to me. I started therapy about a year ago and have been working hard to clear the crushing anxiety, depression, and self doubt out of my brain. In doing so I began to find myself. Finding me has been like discovering a painting that needs to be cleaned and restored with a toothbrush and a lot of time. Every time I manage to clear the dirt and grime from a portion of the painting a new piece of the picture is revealed. I am a work in progress, and I don’t think I will ever be complete. There are so many aspects of myself that I have yet to explore, and those elements will only grow in their numbers as I continue to experience everything life has to offer.

I never realized that I have the ability to stand on my own and still be okay until now. After a lifetime of relying heavily on others for support and guidance it is incredibly freeing to be able to be independent. Another thing I’ve learned is that I do actually have the confidence to stand up for myself and the things I believe in. I’m not saying that I stand in the streets calling for justice for the downtrodden, but if somebody is rude or offensive in front of me I will call them out and hold my ground if they try to pick a fight. It’s because of this more than anything else that I’m really starting to like the person that I’m finding under all the anxiety and crap. For the first time in my life, I feel like I am enough, both for myself and for everyone else.

There are some parts of me that I can’t see quite clearly yet, and I have a feeling it might take me some time to find the answers I want. I don’t know how I’m going to grow and change tomorrow or next week or six years from now, but I do know that I’m ready to see who I’ll become. I feel like in finding me I’ve made a friend that I have promised to love and support through good times and bad. I may not completely like myself all the time, but I also know that I won’t ever give up on me, and for now, that is enough.