Dear Whoever You Are,
So, this article is going to be different from what I usually write. I typically do lists that have tips and advice about different things. This will also have a sort of self-help theme, but the subject matter will be a little more personal than just tips about health or anxiety. You'll still get something out of it, but I thought I'd mention the difference so you'll know what you're in for. Also, don't be concerned about what I'm about to describe - nothing seriously bad happened to me, just something that was painful and took me a while to deal with.
I would say that I'm a pretty introverted, shy person. Most of my life, I've preferred to keep to myself and not open up that much. That hasn't always been the case, however. When I was younger, I faced difficulties and trials that essentially shut me up. I thought I had to hide what had happened and how I felt, so I did. This alienated me. I felt lonely even among a group of my friends who cared about me. This was all because I had a barrier between them and myself, one that I had put up. I don't fully blame myself - I was just a child and reacted as a child probably would have reacted, but that doesn't mean it was okay. Looking back, I know I should have spoken up about what I was feeling and going through, but after being shut up for so long, I'd forgotten how to speak (metaphorically, of course).
I remember when I first opened my mouth again. In my life group at church, we picked one person each week to share their testimony. I knew it was time to open up, but I had to mentally prepare myself for it for a week! I was nervous, but I was excited. I would finally be free (or so I thought - I soon found out that wasn't the end of the story). I felt empowered. When the time came to speak, I was terrified, but I made it through. To be honest, the only reason I'd opened up was because another girl had opened up to me about the same issue I was facing (or had faced), but like me, she was still dealing with the ramifications of this issue (the guilt and shame were just as powerful as the actual thing itself).
I felt pretty good for a while, which was wonderful, but it wasn't the end. I had been able to face a group of people who were close but not super close to me. The next steps ended up being close friends and, eventually, my parents. Even now, there are things I haven't fully explained and opened up about, but I realize now that that can take time. Taking time is okay.
So, what's the point of telling you this? Well, it's supposed to be both an encouragement and a lesson. The point is to teach you to do something that I wish I'd done myself. If you're going through anything, anything at all, just tell someone about it! Take it from someone who's been there - it doesn't help anything at all to stay quiet. What I was going through doesn't compare to what some people face and keep hidden. Don't make the situation worse by trying to handle it yourself. You can't.
To those who know someone who is having trouble opening up - please be patient. Like I said, these things can take time. If you prove your loyalty and your love, we'll be more likely to speak up, but only when we're ready.
As a last note, I'd like to thank everyone who listened and understood what I was going through. I was terrified to talk about it, but you were patient and loving, which was exactly what I needed. I'm still trying to keep you guys updated with how I'm doing, but I'll need time. Thank you.
Well, enough of this mushy stuff! I'll go back to my regular material - I just thought I'd be a little more personal with this topic. So many people think they can't/don't need to open up, and I wanted to write something about it.
Good luck, everyone!
-Miranda
