We live in a world that emphasizes the necessity for friends. We generate a desire to have a strong friend group with one to five best friends on which to depend. We become focused on the idea of being included and loved by those we consider friends and refuse to accept anything other than what the social construct has accepted as normal. But friendship dynamics are often overlooked, and recognizing these dynamics can help bring you closer to those who truly add value to your life.
Since primary school, we are taught to find and make friends, to get a life-long "best friend" and to create distance between those you don't like. We create classifications, enemies, acquaintances, friends, close friends and the ever popular, best friends, but what do these categories mean? Why is someone a close friend rather than a normal friend? What differentiates them?
As a kid, I struggled with friends, I never connected to people the way you want or expect children to do, but as I struggled, I was permitted to have an external view of the dynamics of the playground, the shifting, delicate relationships of kids. One thing became evident, an individual was elevated to "best friend" status when the other gained something from that relationship that no-one else was offering, whether it was a snack pack or shoulder to cry on. Later in life, I had a mentor explain to me that although I work hard to be there for others, it isn't always reciprocated, but one day, I will find someone to reciprocate that consideration. This was the foundation of my theory.
Friendship, in my mind, is a two-way street, any relationship is for that matter. But in order to truly obtain a status of friendship, both sides have to be working, generating an understanding of each other. So, in order to "level-up" your friendship to "good friends," the street has to open up, have a higher flow of traffic, work harder to seek each other out. To truly become "best friends," however, there needs to be a level of reciprocity and equity between two individuals. A best friend is truly someone who is dependable, understanding, constant beyond all others. Although best friend tendencies do not have to be reciprocated, a relationship where both individuals strive to exist as a best friend for the other is the epitome of a true friendship.
It is hard to find these true friendships, the people who will always be there, who you will never be rid of in life, but once you find them, hold on for dear life.
And so, I challenge you, to find who your "best friends" are, to focus on the impact you have on others, to work toward being present for all. There is nothing wrong with simply allowing friend dynamics to exist, but to focus directly on relationships, you could grow/shift your friendships, develop connections that will truly endure life.
