I thought I had lost everything to the monster I call depression. I lost the sense of who I was; my values, my goals, and the respect I once had for myself. It was my freshman year of college, and with that came a taste of freedom that I had never experienced before. I drank too much, stayed up too late, and skipped too many classes—living a life that I knew I did not want to live.

That bottle of vodka became my best friend. On my lonely nights, I’d pull it out and drink until I could make the bad thoughts stop spiraling around in my head. I wanted to die, but I knew I didn’t have the guts. This time in my life was the lowest of the low—my boyfriend of 5 years and I were in a strange place; that awkward in-between of dating/not dating, and it was all my fault.

My drinking and depression were a terrible combination, and I was too blind to see that at the time.

Then, one day, I came to my breaking point—I couldn’t stand to look at myself in the mirror, knowing who I had become: a selfish, careless and unmotivated person. I decided that I could no longer live this way. I took the stash of vodka that I had been depending on and poured it down the drain.

I made a choice to really try this time— try my best to see the light at the end of the tunnel, and the small, good things that came out of any situation. After I abandoned the alcohol, I could see clearly.

I started to reach out to God, which is something I was too afraid to do for years.

I found myself again through LOVE. Love of God, love of myself, and the unconditional love of my supportive boyfriend. During my time of darkness, I was too ashamed to reach out and ask for help. But as soon as I opened my heart to God, I wasn’t afraid anymore.

I knew that He could give me the strength to fight. And I knew that things could get better. I started praying, journaling, and getting my thoughts down on paper. Slowly but surely, things started to look up.

I could see the good things in the world. I noticed the way the light shines through the trees during golden hour in the summer evening, and how the dandelion fuzz floating in the air looked like little flecks of gold. I could see the beauty around me for the first time in a long time. Life was beautiful again. I was finally happy.

I hope you remember this, dear reader: things DO get better. I know it is so hard to believe sometimes, but be patient. Know that you are loved by so many people, and you are so much stronger than you think you are.