Fitting in is something most people struggle with at one point or another in their lives, whether it be in middle school, high school, or college. It is something I really struggled with my freshman year of college. In high school, I was never the person who had a lot of really close friends. I maybe talk to two girls I graduated with semi-regularly, plus my two best friends.
Coming to college I thought would be different. I had heard that college is actually the best four years of your life, instead of the lie society tells us that this title belongs to high school, but it can also be some of the worsts four years of your life. I had also heard that college was about finding your bridesmaids and not your husband. I thought that making friends would be easy, and it was, but forming those close connections that I had in high school was not. I struggled to find my bridesmaids.
I had friends ... great people thanks to Young Life, but most of them lived on the other side of campus. Sometimes they would plan activities and I would see them post about them on Snapchat and Instagram and I would feel left out, but I never told them because I felt like sometimes I was a burden, which is something I have always had issues with. Once I called home and just cried on the phone for an hour because I felt so alone. I would still see them at bible study and Young Life club and I would still hang out with them occasionally. But I realized something about the time when it came to reapply for on-campus housing. They were my friends, but they were not my group. All of them started living together this year, and that's fine. Most of them have more in common with each other than with me.
I am actually thankful that this happened to me. I learned a lesson that many face, but not many admit. I did not find my people my freshman year. Because of this, I lived on campus my sophomore year. If I had not, I would not have found the amazing group of friends I have now. We have movie nights and sleepovers. Some of us have driven an hour and fifteen minutes so another could get their tongue pierced. We have game nights and make home-cooked meals together. Many of us are living together next year, or at least trying to.
This lesson was a hard one to learn, but it was crucial. I learned that I was dependent on others for my happiness, and that needed to stop. I am so thankful for this roller coaster of feelings that I have been through and so thankful for all of my friends. Just know, if you don't find your "squad," it is not because you are weird or annoying. You may not be ready just yet, and that's okay.
