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Finals Week As Told By Shitty Poetry

From the perspective of a first-year in a bathroom in agony at 4:00 a.m.

Grace Marie Safford

Dec 19, 2016

Champlain College

Pexels

As a freshman in college, this was my first experience with the all-famed finals week. Though I would say my finals week was a little different than most, considering I landed in the ER on Friday (the last day of my finals). Though as I lay on the floor of my dorm bathroom at 4:00 a.m., writhing in pain and wondering why no one had cleaned that one footprint off of the wall yet, I could only think of my finals.

I know, it’s a weird thought to be having before being shipped to the ER, and maybe I was just having a fever dream, but right in the thick of my pain, I started writing. When I finally got out of the ER, I looked back at the poetry I had written about finals week. It’s honestly atrocious writing, but, hey, isn’t finals week atrocious itself? Here’s some poetry about finals week, from the perspective of a first-year in a bathroom in agony at 4:00 a.m.

Monday: 7:40 a.m.

There’s my alarm

I have no finals today

I don’t care what you say

I’m not leaving this bed anytime soon

I’m sleeping till fucking noon

Monday: 8:00 p.m.

There's my textbook

Unopened on my desk

Maybe I should give it a look

Or maybe I should just watch Netflix

I really don't want to read about politics

Tuesday: 11:00 a.m.

Oh shit, I need to study

Oh shit, I can’t believe I didn’t study yesterday

Oh shit, I can’t read what my class notes say

Oh shit, this textbook is dry as hell

I just need a course retell

Wednesday: 12:00 p.m.

I made a mistake on my presentation

Please point it out in front of my teacher

Really man? It was such a small feature

It sucks

Your point has been made

This thing was worth 20 percent of my grade

Thursday: 1:30 p.m.

My partner is 15 minutes late

I’m about to leave at this rate

My chair is uncomfortable

I think I lost a glove

Working alone is favorable

Friday: 4:00 a.m.

An all nighter with my UTI

Shivering on the bathroom floor

Just trying to get by

My body is killing me

I just want my degree

Friday: 11:30 a.m.

Looks like I’m missing my final exam

I’m in the ER, man

Can’t make it up?

Fuck

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Finals Week As Told By Shitty Poetry

From the perspective of a first-year in a bathroom in agony at 4:00 a.m.

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I have never been so thankful to know you.

Dealing with the inevitable realities of college life.

Don't freak out

Email the professor

Attend the first class

Keep attending class

Have a backup plan

Remember that everything works out at the end

It's mandatory to have these conversations.

1. What do you do for a living?

2. What's your favorite color?

3. Do you have any siblings?

4. What's your favorite television show?

5. When is your birthday?

6. What's your biggest goal in life?

7. If you had three wishes granted to you by a genie, what would they be?

8. What's your favorite childhood memory?

9. If you could change one thing about your life, what would it be?

10. Are you a cat or a dog person?

11. Do you believe in a religion or any sort of spiritual power?

12. If you could travel anywhere in the world, where would it be?

13. What is your ideal date night?

14. Who was/is your celebrity crush?

15. What's a good way to cheer you up if you're having a bad day?

16. Do you have any tattoos?

17. Can you describe yourself in three words?

18. What makes you the most nervous in life?

19. What's the best gift you have ever received?

20. What do you do to relax/have fun?

21. What are your priorities at this phase of your life?

Is there really such a difference in Challah bread or Easter Bread?

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Doing the friendly wave to every boat you pass.

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Knowing any swimsuit that you own with white in it is best left for the pool or the ocean.

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Having unexpected problems with your boat.

Having a name for your boat unique to you and your life.

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