College is definitely a place where an individual is expected to grow and alter their lifestyle. For me, I've felt most of that beginning to take place my sophomore year, as opposed to my freshman year of college.
When I started my college journey, I think that most of my freshman year I still had my high school mindset. I was trying to fit in, figure everything out, and in that process, I began feeling kind of lost.
I didn't know at all what I wanted, most of the college experience felt temporary for me. Living in a dorm, really it felt like an overly extended stay somewhere. Many times, I was ready to go home. The dorm didn't give me the sense of comfort that I needed. I so badly wanted to fit and start a new name for myself, as opposed to high school. I guess you could say things felt so jumbled up inside.
My anxiety (which I've mentioned in articles before) was beginning to get pretty awful. Once I reached sophomore year, it hit an all-time low. Following some other pretty miserable events, this was the time that I decided I needed to change a lot of things in my life. About half way through the first quarter, I realized I was not doing myself or my mental health any justice by constantly being confused about myself, my future, friends, etc.
I knew that I needed to change up a lot of things. So I began taking control of my life. At first, it was really hard. I definitely had more downs than ups. For me, the transition into "finding myself" and starting from ground zero as a college student in Chicago, was daunting but needed to be done.
I got the help that I needed for my anxiety, which had become the HUGE elephant in the room for me. I think that finally, after a year and a half of majorly struggling with mental health, I'm much more on track with my life than I really ever have been.
Once I figured that part out, I moved to getting rid of extra clutter in my life that was either stressing me out, or just wasn't working. I quit certain activities that I was in and made room for other ones that better fit my personality. I began exercising more. I began eating healthier (...not too sure about that one) and actually gained some much-needed muscle weight. I could feel myself coming back together. It's as if I was broken, and now I have a slab of cement holding me together now, unable to break.
I think that what happened to me in college as a freshman, happens to a lot of us who are shell shocked by the enormous city lifestyle in Chicago, and also the fact that college is a far cry from high school. For me, even though it was the hardest event in my life, losing myself helped me grow and mature to someone who I am proud to be. I fought to become who I am now, and that is the greatest gift of all.
