When I was growing up I had a tendency to have the need to depend on others and always need someone. In high school, I even got in a relationship right after a bad break up because I didn't want to be lonely or without someone. It was after that I realized I don't need anyone to make me happy or have to validate my feelings.
Even though I had that realization at the end of high school it had taken me a couple of years to realize what being independent actually meant. According to Dictionary.com, being independent means "not influenced or controlled by others in matters of opinion, conduct, etc.; thinking or acting for oneself." When I thought of being independent, I thought of doing things on your own and not having to rely on someone else to get it done or using someone else as a crutch to get through life. The words that come to mind when I think of it are confidence, poise, and leader.
Let's start with confidence. When I think of someone being confident I think if them not giving a care in the world on what anyone thinks. They walk tall and they have a specific demeanor to themselves. Even a simple smile can portray how confident you are. It can show how beautiful you are and I have learned from that. I used to smile with my mouth closed because I was insecure about my smile and how I looked. It wasn't until the recent years that I have learned that I have a good smile and I will flaunt it and no one will stop me from showing it off.
Poise is a word that I haven't always been familiar with. When I think of the word, I think of a sense of balance. I have learned to keep balance in my life recently. My form of balance is creating balance within my body and myself as a whole. I have figured out that I cannot do it all, but you bet I will try to give it my all. For me living a balanced life, consists of balancing out my crazy schedule and being able to figure it all out on my own. Balancing my soul and body has been something that I have recently discovered within yoga and working out. Yoga is something that I fell in love with right away. Hot yoga to be exact. It has taught me to give balance to myself and to relieve my stress It has helped me relieve my anxiety and all negative things I am going through.
Being a leader is something that has always come somewhat natural to me. When it comes to working with people I tend to show it with my actions and not my words. I would say I'm not the typical "leader" I tend to be more soft-spoken than authoritative and I think that's is what has helped me figure out what it means for me to be independent.
Self-reflecting on how much I have grown within the past few years and realize how all of the factors mentioned, has helped me understand who I am becoming as a person. Being independent is not a bad thing. It has given me my own identity and I don't' have the need or desire to have someone at all times or need their help. There is a difference in just always asking for help and knowing when you need help. I am not one to be as emotional as I need to be and I have come to the conclusion that it is okay because I am me and I am Independent
