Toxic Masculinity has been around since we were able to systematically assign gender in cultural terms. These scripts have been detrimental to both men and women in many ways, but specifically for men when it comes to emotional suppression and overcompensating that with aggression. This is something that isn't discussed enough today and could easily be a reason as to why males create most of the domestic/sexual crimes in the United States. When analyzing the controversy regarding the #MeToo and #TimesUp movements, we must remember that while seeking justice for victims of this harassment, we also need to find preventative measures for this type of behavior that is inflicted on women. As a feminist who believes in equality, I feel it is an obligation to advocate for men's emotional stability and to accompany them in finding solutions for the betterment of society. We as a culture must socially give permission to men to be vulnerable with one another. It is rare for men to reveal their emotions publicly and rely on fellow men for support. There is this paralyzing fear of being ostracized by the people they respect the most, usually other men. This ugly truth is why Toxic Masculinity needs to be eradicated for the sake of future generations of men and women.
Let's start at the core of the problem: What is Toxic Masculinity?
Harris O'Malley of The Good Men Project defines it as: "...a narrow and repressive description of manhood, designating manhood as defined by violence, sex, status and aggression. It's the cultural ideal of manliness, where strength is everything while emotions are a weakness; where sex and brutality are yardsticks by which men are measured, while supposedly 'feminine' traits – which can range from emotional vulnerability to simply not being hyper-sexual – are the means by which your status as 'man' can be taken away."
Why do men behave this way?
We as humans learn by observing. It is how we interpret the world around us, as well as determine how we are supposed to interact with one another. Dr. Jackson Katz, an anti-violence educator and author, illustrates some of the influences behind this unjust behavior and provides many perspectives in his documentary called "Tough Guise." While using this clever trick on words, he refers to guise as a mask that men put on when performing their gender role that emphasizes manly traits. A lot of these characteristics are encouraged by the pervasive media system consumed by men of all ages that exhibit images of dominance, power, and control. The common theme of men being "tough" is essentially prohibiting men from seeking emotional support, and adversely causes more emotional distress that could then turn into physical violence. Men are becoming numb to the thought of violence and accepting it as a norm, which is why there is an increase in violence perpetrated by men, sexually and physically. Gender scripts that come with implied instructions as to how to be a man play a huge part in this as well because they are typically taught from a young age and reinforced throughout their lifetime.
How does this affect both women and men?
If you are a female reading this right now, I am almost 90% sure you have experienced catcalling, a symptom of Toxic Masculinity.
The findings of the latest study done on street harassment found that 65% of all women who participated experienced a form of street harassment. http://www.stopstreetharassment.org/our-work/nationalstudy/2014study/
While sad, it is unfortunately true. Catcalling is a common way men who demonstrate Toxic Masculinity communicate with women. This behavior derives from this false sense of entitlement and intense fear of inferiority, leaving men to try to constantly prove their dominance. Consequently, this behavior creates a barrier between these men and potential interpersonal relationships with the women in their lives.
For men, it is this constant battle of being true to yourself or appeasing those you seek acceptance from. There is evidence from the American Psychological Association (APA) research regarding the negative effects young men and boys develop associated with masculinity. According to Stephanie Pappas, "APA's new Guidelines for Psychological Practice With Boys and Men strive to recognize and address these problems in boys and men while remaining sensitive to the field's androcentric past. Thirteen years in the making, they draw on more than 40 years of research showing that traditional masculinity is psychologically harmful and that socializing boys to suppress their emotions causes damage that echoes both inwardly and outwardly."
Why should we practice vulnerability?
I never thought about the luxury of being able to express my emotions freely as a woman without the disapproval of other males around me. But if men formulate the same emotions and experience similar hardships, where does all that emotion go? It becomes suppressed and consistently overshadowed by the expectations of how a man should behave. Therefore, we must develop alternatives on how to combat Toxic Masculinity- using vulnerability. A notable advocate of this idea is actor Justin Baldoni. He created a series called "Man Enough" that displays men coming together to have authentic conversations revolving around social issues like masculinity. While unconventional, this strategy has potential to overturn the fear of societal rejection and motivate men to partake in sensitive discourse with one another.
How can we come together to stop Toxic Masculinity?
As women, it is frustrating to be in an environment where Toxic Masculinity thrives. But let's step back and reassess the situation. To prevent this behavior from continuing, we must productively collaborate with men by promoting mens' expression of vulnerability. As easy as it is to discard men who behave with toxic tendencies, we must remember they are trying to satisfy an irrational persona that is neither fair to them nor us. They are acting a part, performing their gender role instead of being their authentic selves. In promoting this new way of thought, we could potentially change the course of many young mens' fate by giving them the tools to create healthy relationships with themselves and others.
Men, try to recognize this "macho" mindset that comes with Toxic Masculinity and immediately discourage it. Know that it is really a facade to hide an incredibly fragile person. A person that needs emotional support, but feels they cannot ask. This behavior acts as a defense mechanism against who they are vs. who they think they should be. When faced with situations that contain harmful behavior such as sexist jokes or the dehumanization of women in general, be the person that says "stop". Universal change can start in the smallest of places; whether that may be in a home, inside a school, or even in a locker room.
Be Mindful...
In your parenting.
In your conversations with friends.
In what you absorb from social media and films.
Notice the harmful messages you may encounter and actively fight against this destructive narrative. Helping men helps everyone in the end. Emotional equality is attainable if we continue to reflect and support one another.
We must not focus on condemning bad guys, but instead creating good men.
