I know that every single one of us has a period of reflection as the new year rolls around. It is quite a humbling moment. We look at parts of ourselves that go unnoticed for most of the year, and for a small second, we see our life for what it truly is. I am not one for resolutions—you cannot put a time limit on self-improvement, so I tell myself the same thing every year: you will only regret chances you never take.
I have a journal that I write in from time to time. Just the other night, I read through everything I wrote this year, and I thought, why not share it? Odyssey has been a part of my life for a whole year, and yet I feel as if I have not used it to share who I really am yet. So, for my last article, I present to you the inter-most crevices of my mind (in chronological order, of course).
Entry 1: 2016 Dream
I dream of a place where trust is law, where lying is only seen in nightmares, and love is never a risk. I dream of a world where I run through tall, smooth grass painted in slight dew—but the sun is only a spectator—and you are the one chasing me with my green eyes, vibrant smile, and contagious laugh.
Entry 2: Realization of Time
How new it all seems: the shades of green on immortal trees, the smell of impending rain, the feeling of the inexperienced touch—one of longing, one of love. This feeling of, not confusion, but of being lost—of viewing the world as a blank slate instead of a damaged one, is exhilarating. I sometimes fear that his novel discovery, and many others, will be lost with age.
Entry 3: My Lonliness
And now I am stuck here, searching for a new one. Searching for a thrill in a crowd of expectation achievers, living their lives in a series of steps, not caring about the sky above them.
Entry 4: After a Heartbreak
I am reminded that there are times in my life when logic holds no importance, yet I am dependent on it to alleviate pain.
Entry 5: From a Letter to a Love
You will hear me weep over my fear of death and my worries of wasted potential. An obsession with passion and youth will drive my love, and I will expect you to return the aggression.
Entry 6: Rationalizing a Mistake
I think that at the end of the day, we all just want to be loved—truly loved. And sometimes, we don’t know what it means to be loved, so we chase after fragmented ideas, only to find that what we were chasing wasn’t love at all.
Entry 7: My Words of Wisdom
The heart is resilient. If you believe that, if you truly believe that, if that truth lives in your bones—my god—this life is breathtaking. Happy New Year.
