Fat women are often seen as only two things in our society: either disgusting or a sex symbol. For once this will not be about why fat women are not inherently gross and ugly (although this is still something you should learn to accept) but is instead focused on what the hyper-sexualizing of a fat body means to fat women and the harm that this can have. Many confuse this intense sexual view of fat women with flattery, including fat women themselves.
I cannot count the times a creepy blog on Tumblr has messaged me. And these gross and sexual messages normally include calling me a BBW which I suppose is supposed to be flattering or a compliment. The term BBW stands for Big Beautiful Woman and was actually coined by Carole Shaw in 1979 when she created a fashion magazine for plus size women called Big Beautiful Woman. While this term has a positive and empowering history it has since been derailed by the porn industry. Now, the porn industry and sex workers themselves are not inherently bad or a negative influence but it is the consumers of porn and the way they see fat women portrayed that can harbor a negative attitude towards fat women. These women are seen in porn as being barely deserving of sex and as if the other actor in the scene is doing them a favor or some kind of charity by being in the scene with them. This attitude can spill over into a consumer's daily life and can cause them to apply this attitude towards fat women in real life in which they think fat women would be lucky to have them and should be appreciative of any advances.
This attitude can also be harmful in an unexpected way. If fat women are constantly told that they are either having an insane amount of sex and being desirable or they are disgusting then if they are not having sex then their only other option is to be disgusting. This is really damaging for fat women of any age, but especially for young fat women. This can lead them to feel pressured and have sex way before they are ready and then rationalize it due to the harmful standards fat women are held to.This can also lead to a type of rape known as rape by coercion and a lack of clear consent. This is damaging in and of itself but also due to the stigma and questioning surrounding if rape by coercion is actually rape. This can also be linked to the idea that many will question if a fat woman was actually raped since we are considered too disgusting to rape but attractive enough to have whole websites dedicated to broadcasting and showcasing our body types as a fetish or some type of secret kink.
So, I refuse to find being called BBW or having a grown man tell me how obsessed he is with my own curves and fat as a compliment. I reuse to be the thing that you are embarrassed to tell anyone about. I refuse to be your porn.
