I don't hate men.
I hate the patriarchy, which inherently benefits men at the cost of women and white people over people of color. Let me repeat that: I don't hate that men are benefiting. I hate that they are benefiting from something that harms everyone else.
The fact that I have to keep reminding people I don't hate men is so tiring. The fact that people keep accusing me of hating men is ignorant. Why does wanting to empower women and help find social, economic and political equality for every person regardless of who they are or where they come from make people think I hate men? Why does wanting to give to others make people think I want to take from men?
Yes, I am holding men to a standard that is above the abominably low racist, misogynistic, homophobic bar presented to them. I'm sorry if I'm forcing them to jump over the bar, like the rest of us, instead of leisurely stepping over it.
Actually, I'm not sorry. I'm not going to settle for inequality. I'm not going to settle for white men making books, movies and TV shows about only other white men because it's "what they can relate to." What about the rest of us also part of the consumer market? Where's our #relate moments and ability to not feel alone and invisible and wrong because people like us are readily found in our media?
I'm also not going to settle for white men only consuming books, movies and TV shows about only other white men because it's "what they can relate to." What kind of self-centered men are we fostering if they can't even express empathy for fictional characters who are different than them, let alone the single Muslim woman across the street being harassed for a crime she had no part in and never supported?
Why does not allowing men to skate through on advantages presented to them because of that thing between their legs and nothing else, equate to me hating men?
It does not. It means I either want them to work as hard as everyone else, slipping and falling over and over on their way to the finish line because their old hand-me-down skates have long since lost the little bite they ever had, or for everyone else to be given new ice-skates too.
Crack a dictionary. Click on over to Google. Look up the definition of feminism. It is not about hatred; it is about equality for everyone regardless of gender. That does mean downgrading the power that men already have. It means lifting up everyone else to meet them. It means a level playing field. It means you should be able to be whoever you want to be without feeling lesser because of it.
I'm fully aware that men also have problems. And here's the beauty of feminism: It will address that too, because the patriarchy and the internalized misogyny it presents us with has a negative impact on everyone. You know how men often feel like they can't express emotion because it's a threat to their masculinity? Well if we're working toward societal equality for women, that means things arbitrarily deemed feminine won't be demonized. Crying? Being emotional and vulnerable in any way other than hyper-masculinized anger? It won't be a bad thing. Men would be able to express the full range of emotion without fear of judgment, just as women wouldn't have to fear being disregarded as irrational or hysterical or PMSing for showing emotions. And that's just one example.
I won't let the stigma of antiquated and misogynistic stereotypes surrounding the infamy of radicals define a movement based in equality and love and helping others. Feminism means equality. I want equality. So yes, I hate the patriarchy for upholding values that prevent equality. No, I'm not letting men get by on those values alone and I'm going to call them out when they try to. And if you have a problem with that, it's truly YOUR problem. So stop making it mine.
