Chivalry is dead, apparently, but who killed it? Some would argue that feminism killed chivalry. Feminism is defined as the advocacy of women's rights on the basis of the equality of the sexes. This definition deems feminism as a fight for gender equality; However, most people focus on the former half of this definition, making the feminist movement appear more radical than it actually is.
Today, the advocacy of women's rights is often synonymous with the oppression of the male gender.
I believe this skewed view of the feminist movement killed chivalry.
Women are strong and independent creatures. They can provide for themselves and can do nearly anything a man can do. Simply because a woman can sustain herself, though, does not mean she never needs assistance.
Masculine-dominant/female-suppressive culture has been full-force in America since our nation began. Men have been taught to assume the role of providers for women, the bread-winners if you will. Women have been taught to assume the submissive roles of housekeeper, family-maker, and child-bearer. While there was such disparity between these roles, there was mutual respect for both parties. The male and female each respected the other and their specifically shaped molds.
Today, women are breaking out of those molds to pursue more dominant roles within society. There are female CEOs, political candidates, inventors, astronauts, authors, entrepreneurs... The independence and power that women embody is slowly gaining popularity and recognition.
However, this is where the problem arises. Because women are fighting to be seen as equal to men, men then assume they can treat women as other men.
I am not saying that this is necessarily a bad thing. Women should not be treated differently because of their biological differences to the male gender.
I am saying that men often assume that women do not want to be treated with chivalry. Men assume that just because a woman has the ability to support herself, she will refuse all other help from others.
When men approach strong female characters, they are not quite sure how to act around them. Will she get offended if I pay for this meal? Will she think I think she cannot support herself? Will she get offended if I hold this door for her? Will she think I think she is weak? This cautious approach leads men to not treat women like women at all.
The worry about acting politically correct is what killed chivalry. Men believe that because a woman is independent then she will immediately be offended by any offer of service.
Here is a little secret, boys:
WOMEN LIKE TO BE DOTED ON!
This does not mean waiting on her hand and foot as if she were a helpless toddler. This means treating her with respect because she deserves it and because it shows you care.
Simple chivalrous acts like paying for a meal or holding open a door do not make women feel helpless or powerless or dominated by the male gender. They make women feel respected as human beings.
Acts of chivalry are not gender specific. They are human-specific. They are acts regarding the boundaries of a certain social and moral code. Therefore, men are not the only ones who can show chivalry to others. Men can show chivalry to women as well as other men. Women can show chivalry to both men and other women.
A man being chivalrous does not mean he thinks a woman is incapable of taking care of herself. It means that he values her as a human, he respects her, and he wants to treat her well because he believes she deserves it.
I hold doors open for my guy friends and they hold doors open for me; none of us are offended. We appreciate each other's gestures because it shows basic human decency and compassion for others of our species.
Both genders deserve civil respect; Therefore, chivalry does not have to be dead and feminism does not have to be radical. Humans have the capacity to be simultaneously independent and grateful. So pull up your bootstraps, accept the damn gesture, and pay it forward. No one thinks you are helpless. Everyone thinks you are human.
