It has always been my belief that men and women are equal. My mother raised me to be strong and independent; not as a woman, but as a human being. My parents were both breadwinners, I had an equal selection of male and female friends. All of my interests were encouraged, no matter if they were considered to be "masculine" or "feminine." It is no wonder that when I discovered what feminism was, I jumped in immediately.

At the age of twelve, I set up my first Tumblr account. This was my first introduction to social justice and feminism, and I found that there was a lot of information that I needed to catch up on. Diving into a website where anyone can post anything and trying to learn the morally correct way to look at the world is… dangerous.

As a budding feminist and pre-teen, using a social media website to shape my moral values did not seem as inappropriate as it does now. In the years of 2012 -2014, Tumblr was an interesting place; it was a hodgepodge of fandoms, social justice, random memes, and well, lots of porn. I became lost at sea, trying to decide what the best way to be a "badass feminist" was when I also had a 10 pm curfew.

Tumblr told me a lot of things. When I was 15 and a 20-year-old man who worked at Hot Topic asked me on a date, it told me I was mature for my age.

When I was discovering myself as a young member of the LGBTQ+ community, it told me that I should not have faith in those that were not like me. It told me that, as a woman, the only way to deviate from the patriarchal society I was trapped in was by acting in a very specific way, or else I was not a good enough feminist.

It told me that, in their community, being straight or having a boyfriend was buying into societies toxic outline of how my life should work. It told me that I needed to be completely independent and to never bow down to the needs of a man.

For me and for many, Tumblr was a safe space for people to express themselves and talk about what they are going through. This meant that the site was absolutely littered with depression blogs, self-harm blogs, eating disorder blogs, abuse blogs, and so many more.

By finding those who related to what you were going through, you also found inescapable triggers that you were spoon-fed constantly. I thought of it as a haven, a place I could go to when I needed to express the sadness that had been building up for so long.

When I was told by an anonymous user that I was faking my mental illness, this reality started to collapse. When I was told by another anonymous user that I was faking my sexuality because I was dating a man and gaining some of his interests, it shattered.

Tumblr feminism, from what I have experienced, consists of a few principles:

1. Women deserve to be in charge because women are better than men
2. If you help take care of the men around you, you are a bad feminist.
3. Women should feel empowered by nudity and if you do not feel empowered by nudity, you are a bad feminist
4. If you disagree, you are a bad feminist

Here's the deal. We need feminism. Women deserve to be equal because women are human beings with incredible intelligence and morals. Women do not deserve to be in charge because they are women in the same way that men do not deserve to be in charge because they are men.

We need feminism so women can learn to respect their bodies. We need feminism so men can learn to respect women's bodies. You respect your body by doing what you feel comfortable doing for no one's gain or pleasure but your own. You respect other people's bodies by listening to them when they say "don't touch me" or "don't look at me like that".

The thing that many Tumblr feminists do not seem to understand is that men are humans too. It is unfortunate that we have all grown up in a society that tells us women are lesser humans, and that their jobs are to cook and clean and take care of babies.

We all learn these things, and take the steps to unlearn them is a process that will take years and years and years. I do my best to actively go against the roles that are supposed to be set for me as a woman. As a Tumblr feminist, I thought the way to do this was by denouncing marriage, by claiming that I never wanted to have children, and by refusing to learn the basics of cooking and cleaning.

For many people, these things are perfectly fine for them (not the cooking and cleaning part… that was just dumb). There are millions of people around the world who are living happy lives without a spouse or child.

They have realized that the lifestyle for them is one that they can live completely independent. Maybe they love to travel or are too curious to settle down or perhaps they just do not like being with other people. The important thing is that they chose this for themselves.

Part of learning to be a real feminist is by unlearning Tumblr feminism. It is by saying "it's okay if I want to get married and have babies. It's okay if I want to be a stay-at-home mom. It's okay if my career path is in a female dominated industry."

So, I fold my boyfriend's laundry. This goes against everything I was taught as a Tumblr feminist. Doing a man's chores for him? Definitely a sign of a bad feminist.

But, as one human being to another, I can see why this is wrong. Being a good person requires you to take a step back from both the preconceived notion of gender roles and how to avoid them. Being a good person means taking care of one another, no matter who they are.

He has a habit of piling all of his clean clothes on the floor when he is feeling stressed and overwhelmed. To me, the pile of clothes is a representation of the mountain of anxiety he gets trapped under every once in a while. Who am I to let someone I love stay trapped under that mountain?