Almost everyone can relate to going through a relationship, completely falling in love and then having their heart broken. And in that moment and possibly months after, we are hurt. You may be still hurting right now, but that’s okay. I was at that point when I realized that it wasn't worth my emotions or my thoughts anymore.
Believe me, I was head over heels in love. I thought that I was going to marry this person. I had been through a few relationships before, but nothing before this ever felt the way I felt in this relationship or lasted this long. You're supposed to meet your true love in college, right? This was it. I was in love. Or I thought I was.
I was in love until I realized that I was in love with the idea of this person and not them anymore. They changed, I had changed, and I was tired of fighting to go back to the old us when they were both long gone. I grew up and found myself while I was away from them, and I have finally come to the realization that it’s all right to grow up, move on, and be selfish when it comes to things like this.
When I was away from my significant other, it was the best semester of my college career. It wasn’t because they weren’t there, but because I was able to spend time with myself. I made awesome friends, joined more groups in college, and people got to know me as I got to know myself. Up until this point, I had only known the one who broke my heart. I spent all my time with them and I realized I had no one to lean on when they left.
When they got back, nothing was the same. Our interactions, conversations, and time together felt like strangers on a blind date. I was uncomfortable and lost on what to do. That's when I got my heart broken by the person I thought I had fallen in love with when in fact I got my heart broken by this person I barely knew, and they barely knew me.
At first I was heartbroken, devastated that this person wasn’t the person I fell in love with when in truth I wasn't the person they fell in love with, either. Finding yourself is completely okay, and it took me a while to realize this. I felt like I was always spending my time trying to impress and agree with this person instead of bettering myself for my own benefit. I was allowed to be selfish, and I needed to understand that.
I was so angry with myself because I thought that I had lost my one true love when in reality, my one true love was myself. How could I love someone else or have someone else love me when I had no idea who I was? I didn't love myself, and I can't expect someone else to help me. After spending a year and a half with someone, I felt like I had lost a part of me, but in all honesty, I lost the part so I could grow stronger, wiser, and more into the person I was meant to be.
To the person who I had thought broke my heart, thank you. Thank you for helping me find myself and show me the type of relationship I never want to be in again. Thank you for spending those one and a half years with me when I didn't even know who I was or what I wanted with my life. And thank you for pursuing your dreams because it showed me that I needed to pursue my own as well. We weren't meant to be, and I kind of sensed that as the relationship went on.
For everyone out there wondering what to do next, listen to your gut and don’t do what you think others will like. Take time for yourself, you’ll thank yourself for it later.
