When you tell people you've been single going on four years, you get a lot of responses.
"How have you been single for that long?"
"Are you gay?"
"How do boys not like you?"
"Your self-control is incredible."
And the biggest one of all:
"Why?"
Well, dating just isn't my thing. It doesn't ever seem to be.
After being single for almost four years and catching some loneliness, I decided to try to go out on a few dates to get back into the scene. I've had fun and honestly made some good friends. I got to go out with cute dudes in nice cars and look at stars out on a lake at night. Sounds like a dream, right?
No matter what, though, I just never seem to be interested in the guys I went out with.
Not many people strike my interest romantically, and after being confronted about my singleness in multiple settings, I thought, "Maybe I'm just not trying hard enough." So, I tried.
What I discovered though, is that going on these dates felt like some sort of societal obligation. Like, yeah, this is what you're supposed to do: go on dates, like someone, date them, and be happy. Don't get me wrong; I had a blast. I also discovered that just because someone is willing to give a part of themselves to you doesn't mean you will like them, nor are you obligated to.
It also isn't that I'm never interested in someone. In fact, I am now, but we happened to cross paths at a time not feasible for establishing any sort of romantic relation.
I learned that what I really wanted wasn't to go on dates: I wanted to go on dates with people I had a deep, genuine interests in. Testing the waters with people I wasn't very interested in did not spark an interest. In fact, it kind of amplified the fact that I wanted somebody else, and I shouldn't feel like I have to go on dates if I didn't really want to.
This might seem like obvious information, but there's a subtle (or maybe not so subtle) pressure for us humans to all find mates within a certain amount of time, and I guess that's a little too systematical for me.
I crave companionship like any other human. I'm attracted to people like most humans are. I can even establish feelings for other people on romantic levels. The kind of people that spark these interests don't come around every day, but they seem to leave in the blink of an eye, leaving me to wait patiently for another.
It isn't that the people that find interest in me aren't good enough. They're actually really lovely people that I know have been and will be loved deeply. I just, don't typically like them that way.
This brings up another question: why do I find it so easy to connect with people as friends, but so difficult to connect with someone romantically? I don't know. I respect people. I love myself. I love God. I know that my life doesn't revolve around dating and that my purpose in life goes beyond romantic relationships.
I don't think the media helps much either. We spend so much time being filled with the idea that love is always a grandiose adventure and that we must find it or it will find us. The truth is, we create love. I doubt that out of the billions of people on this earth, we happen to find "the one." Maybe "the one" is someone that's willing to make it all work.
We make love, and there is nothing wrong with that. We work for it. Humans have the uncanny ability to amplify the potential we see in someone, and once we get the chance to run with it, beautiful things can happen. We aren't meant to live alone. Finding love is also the fulfillment of biological habit.
But, that doesn't mean that I feel like I need a relationship. Sometimes I crave companionship, sometimes I don't, but it seems that when I do, time just doesn't allow for a relationship to blossom.
That's OK. Don't spend your time being disappointed when love is messy and confusing. It might not fulfill the dramatic narrative or sense of destiny that is portrayed in movies, and that's OK. You might not be interested in anyone you come across, and that's OK. Or, you might be interested in people very easily. That's also OK. You might find at the end of the day that the only person you can be in love with right now is yourself, or a passion or the feeling of being alive. That's OK, too.
You don't have to settle. You don't have to date. You don't have to stay single. It's an open book and an open journey. If I learned anything from dating this summer, it's that sometimes, the person you care about isn't going to be the one you're going on dates with, and you don't have to have it all figured out. Thank God for that.
