Back in 2011, I attended a conference at which Kris Vallotton of Bethel church in Redding, California was a main speaker. In one particular session, Vallotton dissented the modern tendency to base decisions on emotions, or do whatever one feels is right (for easy examples, think “dress how you want,” “love and have sex with whoever you want,” “go to school and study whatever you want”). Vallotton is a Christian, but all doctrine aside, he asked two basic questions that will stick with me for the rest of my life:
1. Do you have a value system?
2. Where does it come from?
Many of you would answer “yes” to question one. This means that you have a way of discerning between right and wrong that ultimately guides your decision-making in everyday life. In other words, you have personal virtues that you like to follow consistently. Your answer to question two might have something to do with your religion, your upbringing, or the peers or mentors who have most influenced you.
But there are some of you out there who would answer “no” to question one. By this, you might mean that you prefer to go with the flow; cross bridges as you come to them; “follow your heart,” even. Point being, you make your decisions case-by-case. The truth is one, you also have a value system and two, it comes from your passions, emotions, and circumstances.
That might sound cool and chill, but to be honest, you guys of the latter type scare me, because what happens to that value system of yours when the emotions behind them change? Do your values change too?
And how well can such a value system function in a society where everyone’s passions are so different? Won’t it result in unfathomable amounts of friction? (Doesn’t that already sound kind of familiar to you?)
Choosing to make decisions based on criteria that are inconstant is illogical. Put it this way: what if your essays or your final exams were graded that way, instead of with a rubric? What if your professor told you, “I felt like this was an F, but just for today. If it was yesterday, it would have been an A.” You’d be upset, of course!
What if I punched you in the face, and justified it by saying, “I felt like it was the right thing to do.” You would say, "Of course that's not the right thing to do!"
One of the reasons there is so much interpersonal conflict is because we make decisions based on how we feel, what we’re passionate about, and how those two things come into play in a given circumstance.
Vallotton's solution? He proposed that we instead start making decisions, as much as possible, based on personal virtues: distinct, explicit, and unchanging sets of principles that can dictate our actions when our emotions, passions, and circumstances would lead us to do the wrong things.
Patience. Diligence. Forgiveness and kindness. Generosity. Virtues.
That way, when you come into a new or difficult situation, you don't have to fumble around for the answers; they're right there in your pocket. If you decide what virtues you want to adhere to, then your decisions will virtually make themselves.
On a heavier note, how many times will we move the line between right and wrong before there is no right or wrong? Before we lose our sense of principle entirely? If we can understand why punching other people is wrong, why does that understanding suddenly end when the decisions become more serious? Where does it end? Rape? Pedophilia? Mass shootings? Genocide?
In some way or other, those are all the result of decisions based on emotions, passions, and circumstances.
Please stop "following your heart." It's not just impractical. It's scary.
