We all look for the perfect love story. We've seen the movies, all the Instagram posts of our friends and we all know that’s what we want. For me, it was never easy. When we are in middle and high school, we go through what has been deemed an awkward phase. An awkward phase is when we are going through puberty and we are trying to figure out who we are but don’t necessarily know what we need to do.
For me, it felt like the awkward phase lasted for 8 years.
As I saw more friends start dating and having all this fun, I struggled even just to find a date to a school dance. Everyone told me that I was a good guy and fun to be around, but why would nobody want to be with me? I questioned myself about this and even to this day, I still have no answer. Think about all the people you have liked in your life and how they feel about you. Not everyone is going to feel the same way about each other. Sometimes we just have to understand and other times, it is hard to comprehend.
I completely understand that not everybody will feel the same way about each other. There have been times where I have liked someone and they would rather be friends, and there is nothing wrong with it. But what I have also learned is that letting someone be with another person is one of the hardest things in life.
A few years ago I had feelings for someone and over time, I had to realize that I could never be with her based on how we both felt about each other. What made it hurt even more was seeing her develop feelings for one of my friends who I knew was better than me. Maybe I fall for the wrong people or maybe I am jumping into the wrong place at the wrong time, but sometimes I feel like I should just stop love altogether.
I grew up with love all around me from my family and friends, but there were times when I saw love being shown in a different way. I was never anyone’s first choice to anything and in fact, I had to learn how to handle rejection at a young age. While I didn’t necessarily enjoy being rejected, it would teach me some important lessons. While I did learn some lessons many times, I felt down in the dumps kind of like right now when I am writing this.
My search for love sometimes mirrors the famous sitcom “How I Met Your Mother." Ted Mosby goes through life searching for the perfect girl to marry and throughout the series, he faces ups and downs and many uncertainties. At his high school best friend’s wedding, he quotes, "I used to believe in destiny, you know? I go to the bagel place, see a pretty girl in line, reading my favorite novel, whistling the song that's been stuck in my head all week, and I think: 'Wow... Hey, maybe she's the one?' Now I think: 'I just know that bitch is going to take the last whole wheat everything bagel.'"
I stopped believing.
Not in some depressed I'm-gonna-cry-during-my-toast way. Not in a way I even noticed until tonight. It's just, every day I think, "I... believe a little less, and a little less, and a little less," and that sucks.
Each day when I walk to class I can’t help but notice all the couples together or people talking to their significant others and knowing that I don’t have that. I can say to myself as much as I want "Who needs a girlfriend when you have all these great friends?" but then I think about how happy people are with their boyfriends and girlfriends. But I also have to learn that love isn’t something that can be forced.
Love starts with happiness and in happiness, we need to make sure that both people are in love rather than it being one-sided. As I write this it makes me realize that no matter the situation, I would rather someone be happy than forced to love.
It hurts to have feelings for someone and know that they don’t feel the same way or find out that they are with someone else. We know we can't force people to feel certain ways about us.
We see couples throughout our lives and strive to find that happiness. It will be hard at first to know some people might not like us the way we like them, but I can assure you it will get better. The person perfect for you is out there, and they are waiting for you with open arms.
