To me, it seems like a lot of people in my generation go through a period where they feel depressed. They feel pessimistic, sad, destroyed, and low. It is almost like they feel somewhat empty and that feeling of emptiness just does not go away. It’s like there is this feeling that something is missing or that there is a void in their life that just never disappears... And, guilty as charged, I have most definitely been that person.

I never imagined that I would feel like this. Never would I have thought that I would go through moments of being extremely happy and then extremely sad for absolutely no reason, but here I am. For awhile now it has been really hard to understand why I feel extreme highs and extreme lows. I look at my life, and nothing significant has happened to make me have these emotions. I go to college, have a job, have a supportive family who would do anything for me, and the few friends that I do have, love me very very much. Therefore, I really can’t say I am depressed, right? Well I have felt like I am at some points in my life. And it was a very confusing emotion for me to accept. This feeling was an impression that I wasn’t good enough. Sometimes I felt like I could accomplish anything (and I know that I can, now), but other times I felt like I was not good enough to achieve any of my goals. And the most confusing part to me was, what caused me to feel like this? However, now I am learning to deal with it and I am learning to realize that this is all OKAY.

The biggest thing that I have learned was, you DO NOT have to go through anything significant or a horrific event in order to feel this way. Yes horrible things can certainly make you feel that way, but it can also be something as little as not feeling accepted, being insecure with who you are, or being scared for what the future holds. And for me, these are all the reasons I felt this way. Despite that, I have come to one realization: I am not depressed. I do have anxiety, I do have mood swings, and I do have feelings of emptiness/sadness sometimes, but I AM NOT depressed. I may have experienced feelings of depression, which is perfectly normal for someone my age that is going through major life changes constantly. But I cannot let that phase me and I cannot keep talking myself into being depressed when in reality, I am just confused.

I used to let these emotions control me. I would let them dictate what my plans would be for the day, or how I would do in school. If I wasn’t feeling good enough that week, I wouldn’t try in school or I would skip the gym. If I was feeling great about myself I would write in my journal, read my bible, and study all the time. And this made me realize, feelings of depression can make us lose sight of our original goals. Feelings of sadness and unhappiness can make us drop everything we care about because suddenly, we feel like we aren’t cared about. But, in reality, if you care about yourself, and do everything to make you the best version of yourself, all of the hate/grief/misery you are feeling will disappear. Once you stop trying so hard to fit in, you will find out that the people who really love you will still be there, waiting for you to figure yourself out. And those people who are there for you when you can’t even begin to understand who you are, are the people you need to keep close to you.