Something happened. And it’s really sad—at least it seems like it is. The person to the left of you is in tears over it. The person to the right of you is making fun of the situation. And you’re stuck in the middle wondering why you feel nothing. “Why don’t I feel anything? Come on, emotions! Where are you? I need you to help me understand and deal with this situation!”
Empathy can be an uncomfortable and mysterious feeling. Sometimes we feel it. Sometimes we don’t. But why? How can we embrace empathy and use it to better connect with ourselves, others and the world? When we aren’t sure what to do, usually feeling something—feeling empathy—can help. How can empathy add value to our lives? Wait—what is empathy?
On my personal blog, I felt compelled to reflect on the Orlando shooting that occurred in June. I tend to have a hard time expressing in words how current events—and tragedies—make me feel, but for some reason, this one stuck a needle in my heart. And of course I asked myself why, feeling conflicted why I felt anything at all. Why did I feel personally and emotionally connected to this particular event—so much that I was able to write about it, but not this one or every other one. I’ve recently come to understand a lot more about empathy and what it actually is—what it means to feel it and understand that you’re feeling it. So in this situation, I realized it was because I felt empathy toward something I could understand—something so tangible yet intangible. It was simple: I had a greater understanding and personal connection to the LGBT community.
I work in healthcare employee communications and recently had the opportunity to attend a diversity healthcare conference. I don’t think I normally would have made a point of going if it wasn’t for the tragic events that have recently marked their occurrences on our calendar year. I needed to expand my perspective. After one day of conversation and discussion—not only did I expand my knowledge on diversity in the workplace and how I can be more mindful of how diversity itself could start influencing more of my daily work—but I gained a greater perspective on the reality of racism and social injustice. I am an open-minded person by nature. You won’t catch me saying, “I don’t think racism is a problem in modern day society” – because I do, it’s a problem. I just can’t tell you why, other than it is. When people voluntarily altered the “Black Lives Matter” movement to “All Lives Matter,” I felt extremely bothered (I didn’t know why I felt bothered until this article laid the answer out for me.) That, right there, in itself, is why racial injustice still exists and why true RACISM exists today. We—and by we, I mean my fellow white people—can’t even say with pride that “Black Lives Matter.” Rather, our mind goes to something more along the lines of, “my life matters too.” Whyyyyyyy—why do we do that, my people!?
Because we’re uncomfortable. Because we’re privileged. Because we don’t—or can’t—feel empathy because something is unknown and unfamiliar; therefore, it’s common to think “it” isn’t really a problem. The movement was created to shine a light on current issues—a very significant current issue that’s also very real. And it impacts all of us, whether we experience it directly or not. By changing just a single word, we shift the entire conversation away from the issue at hand that is the exact one that needs to be addressed.
Why does it need to be addressed? Oh good, I’m glad you asked.
This is our lives. This is the world we live in and someday the world our children will live in! What kind of world do you want that to be? As much as we feel hopeless, defeated, exhausted or helpless–empathy and understanding can help us overcome these challenging times. The trick is that our empathy is only as strong as the experiences we let in. My colleague always says, “Nothing changes until people feel something.” Bingo. But change is uncomfortable and so is empathy—time to step out of our comfort zones!
How can we feel more empathy—and how can we use it create change in the world around us? Next week, a follow-up post will feature a nice little listicle to help inspire you to start engaging in empathy. In the meantime, get out there and start creating the kind of world you want to live in and empower the people around you to do the same.
"Empathy, I'm getting a little bit closer to you, and a little bit closer to changing the world."
