Some nights I look at myself in the mirror after a long day and I can’t help but let out an exasperated sigh. Had I really lived that day in a Christ-like way? The sad truth is, most days, the answer to that question is no. No, I did not love my enemies. I did not tell the truth. I was not humble. I was not compassionate. I was not kind. I did not think about God other than in chapel and during the short prayers before and after most of my classes. The list goes on and on. I start each day believing I can be a “good” Christian. However, my unrealistic expectations of what it means to be a “good” Christian always leave me disappointed. And when it comes down to it, I have to step back and ask, who am I trying to impress? Am I trying to impress God? Because if I am, I will only continue to fail miserably each and every day. Because trying to impress God isn’t necessary. In fact, it’s redundant. It’s trying to do something that has already been done and doesn’t need to be re-done. God already loves me without fail. Trying to earn God’s approval is like running a race I will never win. Because I will never be fast enough. I will never have enough endurance. And I will never be able to finish in first place.

I bet by this point I’ve lost some readers, because they think I’m being extremely dark and moody and all they wanted to read was a piece with a happy ending. But, if you’re still reading, you’re in luck, because the happy ending comes here. The happy ending is found in Romans 5:8, my favorite bible verse which says, “But God demonstrates His great love for us in this: while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” Christ died for us. Christ died for you. Christ died for me. I think if we fully understand the weight and life altering effect that has on us, we might stop feeling like the "worst" Christians. Because even though we sin. Even though our hearts are ugly, and we will fail every single day. God still died for us. And acting like we still need to work for His approval is discrediting this sacrifice He made.

I’m learning I need to accept the gift God has given. The gift that I am forgiven and I am loved. I can’t earn His approval because I have already been declared His child. Think about it like this. You never earned your parents love. They love you simply because you are their son or daughter. It is the same scenario with our heavenly father, except His love is perfect. And even though we will fail Him each and every day, there will never come a day where He fails us.