A mother's work is never done. Or a student's, or an athlete's, or an employee's, or a musician's. There is always something more to do. But just because we could do something doesn't mean we should feel pressured to do it.
I often judge my worth based on how many "things" I got done in a day. These "things" range from mundane tasks like laundry to more personal lifestyle goals like exercising. I rarely enjoy these tasks, but they are tasks I do out of fear of negative consequences or because I just "have to" to be seen as a functioning member of society. At the very least, I should feel some sense of relief and accomplishment when they are over, right?
Wrong. I diminish my own sense of achievement by ruminating on what else I could do in addition to — or instead of — what I've already done. I have a part-time job, but I could work more than 20 hours a week. I took a nap, but I could've worked on that paper instead.
All my "coulds" quickly turn into shoulds, and I create an overly idealistic threshold for myself to reach. I should look for another job; I need to make more money. I should stop taking naps; I'm wasting so much time. "Should" statements are a common thinking error that I, and probably a lot of you, engage in. As a result, I'm almost never satisfied with how my day went, and I am filled with unnecessary guilt. I'm forever chasing hypothetical "perfect" days where I'm a gym goddess, a proactive student and Martha Stewart, on top of getting X, Y, and Z done. This rigid view of how my life "should" be allows my overzealous brain to conclude that I'm not doing enough, and therefore I'm not good enough.
In addition to generally feeling crappy, this line of thinking also leads to burnout, making it even harder to meet your expectations. You made yourself take that extra class and pick up another shift at work because you could be challenging yourself more, but now you're too tired to go to your club meetings. Now you feel guilty because a good member would've gone. You might punish yourself by not letting yourself relax or do something enjoyable until everything that "has to be done" is done, draining your energy further. The cycle continues.
I encourage you to drastically reduce the number of "shoulds" and "have-tos" from your internal dialogue. This isn't to suggest that you can't make new goals for yourself or to encourage you to neglect your responsibilities. Rather, stop holding your happiness hostage to a checklist. Stop thinking life has to be a certain way to be successful or worthwhile. You deserve to have free time. You deserve to take breaks, to have slip-ups or to make a change of plans. You deserve to engage in pleasurable activities without feeling guilty or thinking about what you "should" do instead.
