Transitioning home from full time college life to full time summer vacation mode has been a major adjustment. My spring semester consisted of me constantly completing large scale assignments, budgeting my time to get everything done, and waking up every morning with somewhere to be. I loved it; being busy is a feeling I look forward to. This first two week period back in the comforts of my own home has been a range of emotions for me. Happiness, lonesomeness, anxiety, joy, and overall longing to be back in my dorm with my friends… all of which lead me back to the question – why do I feel so guilty about having free time?
I should be ecstatic to finally get to sleep in with no alarms set, watch all the "Grey’s Anatomy" I can, and finally have some peace and quiet to myself after a grueling semester. Instead, I wake up at seven in the morning as my family is bustling around and preparing to go to work and school. After they leave the house, a silence encompasses the air, and I am left with the realization that I have complete freedom to do whatever I want. I have noticed though that as the days go on, that the feeling of freedom is not usually met with happiness, but rather anxiety. There is so much that I am able to do, that I just end up doing nothing.
This seems like a Catch 22 from paradise – I have so much time on my hands that I can’t even decide where to start spending it. The unfortunate reality though for me, and I’m sure many others, is that I will flat out say that I do not know how to handle all of this unstructured time. Every day, there is a small voice in my head that wishes I had somewhere to be or some type of responsibility. Sure, the to-do list of household chores is alluring (I’m working on it, Mom…) but inside, I am craving my upcoming internship and summer job.
I feel guilty writing this article because I know there are people who would kill to have just one day off, much less a month. I do not want to imply that I am not enjoying this leisurely period -- it is another period of learning for me and this is just another article about my thoughts. I have figured out that while I do appreciate hearty vacation time after a strenuous semester, I also get antsy when the unstructured time stretches on indefinitely. Speaking about this topic to several close friends and family members, I found that they completely understood my dilemma, and have even experienced it themselves. Why can’t we relax? Has society programmed us to believe that running at top speed all the time is natural, and that periods of rest represent failure? In regards to free time, is there such thing as too much of a good thing?
In this time of reflection and relaxation I have tried not to always listen to the little voice inside that wants to feel guilty about taking a nap at 3 p.m. (What a problem, right?) I realize the beauty and simplicity of waking up in the morning and having a day stretch out in front of me, and I know the minute I start my summer employment positions I will wish for this freedom once again, only this time it won’t be there for the taking.
